Paul and I were recently having a discussion about the Emergency Bra and the merits of buying undergarments for their capacity to double as viable filtration devices, should your immediate atmosphere become polluted with an overabundance of dangerous fumes or particulate material. I'm not a sexist though, like Dr. Bodnar, so I say, why should only women be marketed to for this class of potentially lifesaving unmentionables? Those of the male persuasion have just as much right to clamp smallclothes over their facial orifices in the incident of a disaster; am I right? That being the case, factories have already ground into action on my new line of Urgency Underwear, which will include such stylish options as the:
-Trauma Thong
-Bad News Brief
-God Save Us G-String
-Accident Athletic Supporter
-Big Trouble Boxers
-Sink or Swim Speedo
-Disaster Drawers
-Contingency Codpiece
-Predicament Panties
-Dire Straight Skivvies
and (best in focus group)
-Let The Looting Begin Long Johns
Available wherever fine dining wear is sold.
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7 comments:
Looting Long Johns, I like that- sign me up for a pair of bright red ones- I usually carry a hankie for emergencies but am now convinced that the undees are the way to travel light and yet prepared.!
Mean Old Mammy
My personal favorite is Contingency Codpiece, but I may be biased by it being my sole contribution to the list.
Yeah, I've got you on volume. Also I got the patent going on the Contingency Codpiece as soon as you'd said it, so unless you can prove a prior claim, I'm afraid all the profits are mine.
Having worn Speedos for swimming in gym class, I can tell you that all speedos are sink or swim.
Are you limiting yourself to marketing-friendly alliteration? How about Riot Shield Cardigans or Fire Retardant Socks?
Yeah, I pretty much was, but I do like the idea of a Riot Shield Cardigan. I'm not sure if that's just a Kevlar cardigan, or if it's a normal cardigan with a riot shield fastened to it, but either way I think it could sell.
"This Christmas, give grandma or grandpa the protection that they need as well as the comfort that they want..."
"Give grandma and grandpa the comfort they want with the protection they deserve"
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