Situation Shorts...

Paul and I were recently having a discussion about the Emergency Bra and the merits of buying undergarments for their capacity to double as viable filtration devices, should your immediate atmosphere become polluted with an overabundance of dangerous fumes or particulate material. I'm not a sexist though, like Dr. Bodnar, so I say, why should only women be marketed to for this class of potentially lifesaving unmentionables? Those of the male persuasion have just as much right to clamp smallclothes over their facial orifices in the incident of a disaster; am I right? That being the case, factories have already ground into action on my new line of Urgency Underwear, which will include such stylish options as the:
-Trauma Thong
-Bad News Brief
-God Save Us G-String
-Accident Athletic Supporter
-Big Trouble Boxers
-Sink or Swim Speedo
-Disaster Drawers
-Contingency Codpiece
-Predicament Panties
-Dire Straight Skivvies
and (best in focus group)
-Let The Looting Begin Long Johns

Available wherever fine dining wear is sold.