"For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining: and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing; And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes." Taken from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran
Sunday, February 07, 2010
For balance...
Wrapped up inside Pushing, welling, longing Well, this is familiar The old fixes only sometimes work But then, did they ever You can always get it wrong Prayer to an unknown deity Asking for help that may not be there Maybe some lavender Maybe some zen Maybe that's best for now.
So I've decided to keep a record of all the books I read so that in forty years I can have a list like Art Garfunkel's. He averages more than two books a month and reads everything from 16th century philosophy to just released mystery novels. I appreciate his taste. He's got to be a fascinating man to talk with. Anyway, so far this year I've read: Jasper Fforde's 'The Big Over Easy' Gabriel Brownstein's 'The Man From Beyond' And I'm halfway through H.G. Wells' 'The First Men in the Moon'. Generally during the school year I don't read anything that's not a text, but making a point of sticking a book into my backpack means that I'm grabbing a few minutes here and there throughout the day, and that adds up. Now to just get back into the rhythm of writing a couple times a week too...
Fun fact of the day: Sugar, flour, etc plants can be dangerous because all the crystalline dust in the air builds up a ton of static charge and is actually very flammable. Proper ventilation and machine care mitigates some of the risk, but there have been plant explosions because of the dust build up. I had no idea. Cool huh?
This semester I have one instructor with a touch of a deep southern drawl, one that looks like the Disney conductor, one that is fidgety and restless, and one that waltzed into the room on the first day saying "Hello everyone! Sorry I'm late!" in a pretty dang good English accent. Could be a good year!
Crippling confusion swirls like thick fog in my mind. Like wraiths and demons, choking out logical cognition.
Synapses reconnect, neurons fire, the fog thins slightly.
“Can you hear and understand me?” asks a voice from the void above.
Yes, yes I can hear. I can understand; but how? I try to raise my head, open my eyes, voice my epiphany of consciousness, all to no avail. All that I manage is to crack open what I believe to be my lips and with tremendous effort vibrate my vocal cords in a tremulous and primal groan.
“Very good, Ms. Leyburn. You’re doing fine.”
Leyburn? Who is Ms. Leyburn? Where am I?
“You’ve suffered quite a lot of damage from the cryonic process that was used on you.”
Damage? What the hell is she talking about? Slowly memories begin to filter back in; small, disjointed, episodic visions of a life. My life? I try hard to make my eyes work, but the blackness persists.
“Unfortunately it is not damage that we can repair at this time.”
A brief image of an animal drifts through my mind. It is accompanied by the feeling of sunlight, soft golden-red fur against my face, the smell of leather and hay. A feeling of happiness. Contentment. I try to grasp the sensations but they fade all the faster for it, leaving a feeling of loss so intense that for a moment I forget my confusion.
So much grief. So much pain.
“What we have decided to do with cases such as yours, since we cannot viably re-freeze you without causing further damage, is to place you in suspended animation. You will have some level of consciousness, though for the purpose of preserving as much brain function as possible, we will stall the thawing process where it is at the moment and, as a consequence of that, consciousness of yourself and your surroundings will be limited to approximately what you are experiencing right now.”
Re-freeze me? I was frozen? That explains the cold. Why was I frozen?
“In case you are wondering, it is April eighth, 2541. Welcome back to life, Ms. Leyburn. Rest assured that we here at Burns and Levy CryoniTech Incorporated will do all that we can to ensure that your body and mind get the premier care that you paid for when you signed with us.”
I’m dead. I was dead anyway.
I don’t understand what the voice means by “damage”, but the fog seems to be lifting ever so slowly. There are memories there; I can feel them on the edges, just out of reach. With just a bit more time I’m sure that I’ll be able to see and understand them. They will fall into proper order and I will know who I was. Who I am. I just need to know, to think, to feel. Just need time, a little bit more time. My lips open, I strain to speak.
“Alright Ms. Leyburn, I’m putting you into stasis now. Sweet dreams.”
Tonight we had some bouts of near torrential rain along with driving winds. As the SoF had a show tonight I rushed home from work, scarfed down some dinner, changed clothes and headed out. In my hurry I left my sandwich plate on one of my ottomans. When I got back I noticed something strange; a sizable amount of water on the plate. As there was nothing around that could have produced a clear liquid out of the blue, I looked to the ceiling and sure enough, a couple of small patches looked off-color. So yeah, my apartment leaked a little. Of note is the fact that my computer was about a foot away from the previously mentioned plate, and my camera about three inches from it. And all the water that dripped from the ceiling landed on the plate as if it were placed there for that purpose. Um, thanks Universe, I owe you one.
Last night I dreamed about my current apartment for the first time, and it was pretty spot on as a match to reality. Usually when I dream about somewhere familiar I know where I am but it is fundamentally changed in some way. I was tooling around, straightening up when Ryan dropped by for no particular reason. We talked for a while (about classes and algebra) before I happened to look out my window. There on the balcony was a small briefcase laying on its side. It had just started to spit rain and droplets of water were beading on the brown burgundy leather. "Dude, there's luggage out there," I said to Ryan, and then popped out to take a look. There was also a full sized briefcase that I couldn't see from the window, as well as a matching portfolio. There was even a tiny leather business card holder. I grabbed a couple of the things and handed them in to Ryan before going back out to pick up the small briefcase that I saw first. Meanwhile Ryan was inspecting the large one and marveling at how nice it was. We figured that they had been tossed off the balcony above mine, probably due to a state of anger. The last part we figured because there was a torn piece of cardboard attached with masking tape to one of the items with "Good bye!!!" written on it in black marker. What I'm still surprised at is how much sense it made. There was a matching card case instead of a cracker press or something.
Those of you familiar with the improv game Bus Stop might get a kick out of this. I was waiting for the bus this morning and a young man crossed the street to join me in waiting. Most people never meet my eye and we go about our day in mutual denial of the other's existence. I am either too shy or too lethargic relationship-wise to try to do anything about that situation. But, unlike most people, this guy did meet my eye and even nodded hello in response to my smile. He then sat down on the ledge a couple of feet to my right and I immediately had a nearly undeniable urge to annoy him enough to make him leave.
My color if reincarnated as a crayon: Bright blue.
Dream vacation destination: Plitvice Lakes National Park in Croatia.
Alternative occupation choices: Stormchaser, zookeeper, or stunt pilot.
Sports I'd like to give a whirl: Scuba diving, sky diving, and kayaking.
Favorite ballroom dance: East coast swing! But the waltz and tango are also quite fun.
Favorite scents: Hay, leather, horses, wood smoke, vanilla, rain, inumerable kinds of flowers, cinnamon, fall leaves...
Favorite pie: Pumpkin
