This is something that I wrote at the beginning of spring semester and had not intended to share with anyone. It's still not an easy thing to face.
Waiting is the hardest thing on Earth to do.
I think I'll call it Aching Reprieve. Or perhaps The Price of Another Try.
~ I leave his office crying. Is it all joy? Certainly not. Celebrating the renewal of one dream but at the same time mourning the loss of another. Are the two even separable?
I am awash with unspeakable relief. I am distraught at the prospect of selling out for a second chance. How can I quit my dream? How can I not? The goal can lead to its own ruination.
I hadn't started crying until he gave me the good news. One word. I melt. After so very long on the razor's edge.
The darkness lifted, I glimpse the sun. A new twilight settles. I can hold back the tears no longer.
He tells me that I owe myself a second chance.
I still wonder if it's the subject or me.
Did I try hard enough? Was I just not giving my all?
Was the dream worth it?
Can I be happy?
And the doubt that lurks always in my mind:
Was I even capable of doing it?
Is this what I want? ~
~ From the life of Renee
I should pay Dr. Miller a visit...
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"For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining: and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing; And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes." Taken from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran
About Me
- Renee L.
- My color if reincarnated as a crayon: Bright blue. Dream vacation destination: Plitvice Lakes National Park in Croatia. Alternative occupation choices: Stormchaser, zookeeper, or stunt pilot. Sports I'd like to give a whirl: Scuba diving, sky diving, and kayaking. Favorite ballroom dance: East coast swing! But the waltz and tango are also quite fun. Favorite scents: Hay, leather, horses, wood smoke, vanilla, rain, inumerable kinds of flowers, cinnamon, fall leaves... Favorite pie: Pumpkin
2 comments:
I think we've all been there. I know I'm very much torn between my two strengths every day.
This was very well-written. I can guess at what it might be about, but I can't be sure.
Just know that big decisions are rarely easy for anyone, and that you have a lot of friends who are completely willing to be there for you as much as you can let them.
I definitely have a few skeletons in my notebook that I haven't shared with anyone, too, but thanks for having the courage to share this. :)
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