Wednesday, June 06, 2007

He may never have seen me, but I had to explain it to everybody anyway...

Edit: Since I have gotten several comments from people thinking that this is a bit on the creepy side I have decided to write in a bit of an explanation for it.
This piece is not in any way meant to stand alone. It is actually part of a bigger scene in a much bigger story of which you regular readers know little, if any. The "I" in this story is not a stalker, she actually knows, and is in an intimate relationship with the man in question. This isn't the first time she's seen him butt naked. They will eventually marry, though in this scene that hasn't happened yet. The last line of the bit posted refers to the fact that no matter what happens (and it's a lot, believe you me) she will always remember him in that wild yet peaceful setting.
The reason this was posted as is rather then going into all that gory detail in the first place is because I have been lately trying to put special effort into creating not just a piece of writing, but inspiring a vivid picture in the reader's mind. I thought that this scene didn't do half bad in trying to attain that goal. It's very vivid in my mind at any rate.

~ I happened upon him as in a dream.

He lay on his stomach on the rock verge. His hair, lying in black curls against his neck, still damp from swimming, his clothes off to the side in a state of neat abandonment.

The afternoon sun, sifting through the lush canopy, splashed his body with yellow and green, glinting gold on droplets being pulled by gravity off the masculine contours. Slipping back to the earth from brown legs, caressing the smooth skin of back and arms.

Eyes closed, a look of infinite peace graced his lips.

Water turned gems hung on his dark eyelashes until they suddenly fell, losing their place due to some minuscule movement.

The smooth, sun-warmed stone seemed to cradle him, his lithe body fitting the surroundings so well that it appeared they'd been brought into existence together. They belonged to this place, quiet, savage, unmarred, wild, unknowably serene.

He began to stir and I backed into the protection of forest cover. I did not want him to know that I'd intruded.

He never saw me, but I'll always remember him. ~


~ From my world.

9 comments:

Ryan said...

Kinda creepy...

Renee L. said...

What the deuce? It didn't *actually* happen to me Ryan. ;)

Anonymous said...

not creepy,,,,,sexy in a weird way

luckeyfrog said...

I think it's kind of a combination of a little-sexy-a-little-creepy. :) Haha.

luckeyfrog said...

I did think it was well-written- but still watching a naked guy when he doesn't know you're doing it is a tad creepy, in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

if you can find a naked guy that does not make you want to wretch you insides out (and there are a few out there) by any means you have a duty to watch him!!!!
words of wisdom from M.O.M.
(mean old mama)

Ryan said...

Still creepy, even after the disclaimer.

Renee L. said...

It wasn't a disclaimer, it was background. And whether you think it's creepy or not, I'm still proud of it.

brian said...

Nice creepy/sexy piece... your descriptions are really vivid and easy to picture :D