Perhaps you'll remember...

The continuation of a story that began here. It is not a direct transcript of, but is still almost completely taken from a dream that I had.

~ It has been a full two days now since our engines died and according to the mechanics there is nothing to be done for them. Our engineers, some of the best it should be said, have been ordered by the captain to keep at it, but having looked over the damage myself, I am doubtful that there is any hope of resuscitating the behemoths.

Our ship was blown so far off course in the storm that I believe we are quite distant from the usual currents. We do not seem to be drifting anywhere fast, and as of yet not one other sign of life has been spotted. Allow me to correct myself, there has been one sign of life. A fisherman in a dinghy. Apparently his skiff took damage in the storm. He stayed with her until it was obvious that she was going down, at which time he retired to his lifeboat, taking with him only the barest essentials, aka what he could lay his hand to on his way out.

Just barely riding out the storm in the small dinghy (over which fact I am still at a loss, as I would have sworn that nothing short of a miracle would allow a boat like that to stay afloat in a storm of that magnitude) he spotted us as a speck on the horizon around dawn and rowed his way towards us. He finally reached our ship the following morning (aka, this AM), looking near dead from exhaustion and cold. The captain lowered pulleys and brought his entire dinghy on deck, pulling the poor man out with his own hands and wrapping him in warm blankets.

The man is in the sick bay now, under the care of our ship's doctor and nursing staff. I am pleased to be able to help the poor fellow, and sorry for his own troubles of losing his skiff, which is also his mode of livelihood; but having been put in charge of rationing both food and water for all of the passengers and crew of the Lillianna, I must say that I am more than slightly concerned. The individuals who stocked this ship certainly did not have an emergency such as this one in mind when they did it.

We were meant to be landing in Port Calveston in only slightly more than a week, less than a fortnight to be sure. I have been quite stringent in my rationing as I have no idea how long it will be before we are rescued, and as a result I believe that I am at the brunt end of some hard feelings. The crew and lower classes seem to understand the restrictions and accept them without complaint, but it is the higher class citizenry that may prove to be a problem. I refuse to give them special consideration in this matter.

I have no patience for arrogance in a situation like this. I expect the same treatment for every life aboard this ship; we will all suffer together, and we will die together if it comes to that. The one and only consideration that I have made was to urge the galley staff to reserve whatever canned milk that they have for the young children that are with us, regardless of class. As of yet the kitchen crew has been able to do an incredible job, even with my restrictions, and for that I am grateful. Their prowess is certainly helping me to stretch the supplies that we do have on hand.

I am to bed now, and pray God that some good news will greet us with the morning. ~

Sailing...

Drifting along
Through mist and mirage
Wonder where you're going
A stab of pain
Right through the heart
But don't worry
It passes quickly
Soon you'll forget
Making sure that the next time
Will hurt all the more

Check it...

The good news is that I've been published on 365 Tomorrows again. The great news is that this one is actually good! Worlds better than the last. So much happier with this one.
Here it is in the archives: http://www.365tomorrows.com/12/06/shades-of-gray/
Hope you like it.

As some of you...

...no doubt already know, I did not complete NaNoWriMo. According to the marker board on my door, I am awesome (thank you, T. Rex), but apparently that does not extend to the ability write a novel called Property of: Abby in a month. Paul completed his though! Congratulations Paul, you inhuman, novel-writing machine, you.

I have most of my Christmas shopping done for the year. Not sure how that happened, but I'm proud of myself.

Edit: If you'd like to go right to Paul's table of contents for Appendix A, go here: http://www.kuliniewicz.org/blog/appendix-a/

I'll tell you what I want...

...What I really, really want.
Those of you who know me well may also know that I generally cannot answer the question"What do you want for Christmas and/or your birthday?" easily, nor usually before the second week of December. This year I'm ready! Enter the 2008 Wishlist! Ta-daa!

In no particular order:

*Planet Earth ( ~ $21.00 used from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B000MR9D5E/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&condition=used , or $35.00 used with The Blue Planet: http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B000TEUSQ8/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&condition=used )

*Down pillow

Printer (cheapest, most basic kind that is made)

*Guitar Theory 4 poster ( ~ $20.00 for large size: http://www.zazzle.com/guitar_theory_4_print-228202254543937048 )

Second Hand Out - Jeff Spanke

*Any kinetic art (aka perpetual motion toys) ( http://search.store.yahoo.net/cgi-bin/nsearch?catalog=opg&query=perpetual%20motion&.autodone=http://www.officeplayground.com/nsearch.html )

WALL-E DVD (and possibly even Iron Man? I should think about that...)

*Another World - Brian May (~ $6.00 used from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00000DC7L/ref=sr_1_olp_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1227156327&sr=1-1 )

*The Cosmos Rocks - Queen + Paul Rodgers (~ $24.00 new from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B001JGOKPU/sr=/qid=/ref=olp_pg_new?ie=UTF8&coliid=&startIndex=0&me=&qid=&sr=&seller=&colid=&condition=new )

*Pre Ordained - Queen (or pre-Queen really) (~ $6.00 used from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00004SOPK/ref=sr_1_olp_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1227156751&sr=1-1 )

Journey music (but not Greatest Hits, I've got that.)

Brian May or Queen t-shirts, posters, etc.

Thinkgeek.com gift certificate


Oh gosh, it's a thing of beauty. Just look at that. Look at all those options. Didn't I say I was prepared, Moms? An asterisk means that I want that more than the non-asterisk items. None of this stuff is necessary.


"Please don't choke on your podcast."
~ Jenny

I think...

...that V for Vendetta is a great movie.

As some of you may know, I fully intend at this point to go forward with NaNoWriMo. I have an idea and everything, so batten down the hatches. Here's the site it will be on: http://www.propertyofabby.blogspot.com/ (There's also a link in the sidebar.)
We'll see how that goes for me. I might fail miserably. It will be exciting.

Report o' movements...

Well I had a fantastic October break, and at long last you are going to be forced to hear a little about it. It was productive, but relaxing. Some barn organization was done, some cleaning of tack, some laying around in a hammock, some nailing of boards. Hay and feed were purchased, loaded, and put up for the winter, and stalls were stripped down and re-bedded. Weeds were cut, hooves were trimmed, pizza was eaten.

My farrier (who happens to ride English and knows quite a lot about the discipline) thought that my new saddle was great. He seemed to think that I practically stole it. Later that day mom and I saddled up Sage (and I thought she looked very pretty in English tack) and then I coerced my mom into going first to "show me how it's done". She didn't take a ton of convincing. She thought the saddle was awesome as well and after a short while riding around, she dismounted for me to take my turn.

First time riding English and it went pretty great. No problems to speak of, the saddle was comfortable and I felt comfortable in it. Sage had a few bouts of stubbornness, but considering that she hasn't been ridden in a very, very long time, that was nothing. Since Sage is a pacer, posting on her is either impossible or well beyond my capabilities, so we didn't do a lot of trotting, but that was ok.

All in all, for me it was a pretty fantastic experience. Totally do not regret that purchase.

It's here...

Guess what I got! Ok, I'll just tell you. An English saddle! Something that I've wanted for quite a while now. Thus far all the riding I've done has been either western or bareback, so riding English is going to be new to me, and that is what I'm so excited about! Can I overstate how excited I am? No, no I don't think so.
My saddle is awesome! It's a worn, used no-name, but it's great. Hopefully it will be a good fit for either Tiger or Sage, or maybe even both. At any rate it fits the arm of the couch well! Apartment smells like leather now, which is fantastic.
I expect this to be awesome. I can't wait!

So exciting!

How would you like...

...to wake up to find this parked on the ceiling above your bed?


Yeah, I thought so. That, my friends, is the common House Centipede, or Scutigera coleoptrata to use the Latin. Also known round these parts (specifically, and possibly only, in our apartment) as the Crickepede.
As far as mutant hell spawn go, these are supposedly a very useful type to have around, as they attack, inject with venom, and devour other household pests such as spiders, termites, roaches, silverfish, rodents, small babies, salesmen, and politicians. That does not alter the fact that they are by far the creepiest bugs I have ever seen. And I'm not the whimpering girly girl sort. Or so I claim.
So far we've found four adults (ranging from 1 to 1.75 inches long by my estimation) and two youngsters. Apparently we (or possibly a neighboring apartment) have got a small infestation. Granted we've got no other pests to speak of, thanks to the diligent work of our little Crickepede buddies, but still!
I've been desensitizing myself by looking at pictures on the web, but I still don't like them, useful or not. Eh, nasty Crickepedes. So creepy...

So far...

...my classes have been really great this semester. I love philosophy, and apparently I'm pretty good with rats, so Win.
And I now have keys to a "restricted area". Double Win.

Here it is...

Today is the day. My submission is the daily story on 365 Tomorrows. And it is here in the archives.
I'm just so damn proud...

Well that's cool...

A couple of months ago I found a site called 365 Tomorrows. The aim of the site is to present one short-short story of the sci-fi persuasion, no more than 365 words long, every day for a year. Most of them that I have read are pretty awesome. Today's and yesterday's (August 13 and 14th) stories were particularly good in my opinion.
Anyway, they have staff writers and they also accept some submissions. When I learned of this, I thought to myself, "What the heck, why not?" and so I took a few minutes to type up something random. I personally don't think it's that great, buuuuuut yesterday I got an email saying that it had been accepted for publication.
I'm not sure when exactly it's going to be featured, but it will be on the main page as the daily story, and then put in the archives. I'm pretty excited about that. First time I have ever been published by anyone other than myself, my school newspaper, or Jaime. So yeah. Awesome.

I've seen my share...

...of robot movies, but I have to say that "Wall-E" is a mighty good one. We laughed, we gasped, we "aww"-ed, we got to the point where, were we a good bit sappier and had onions on us, we might have cried. It was a good movie. A very fun (and funny!) movie, with touching and poignant bits thrown throughout. Bit o' symbolism here and there for those who want to look for it, but generally the movie stayed away from the slap-you-in-the-face stuff, so you could watch it as a lighthearted thing as well if you so desired.
Overall a really good movie. We had a great time. I give it an A+.

Yeah, it's awesome...

Who knew Neil Patrick Harris could sing?
So far it's been all that I hoped for.
(Watch it before the 20th, while it's free.)

Here we go again...

So the other day I got in my car and went to my friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart in order to exchange some cash monies for physical supplies, and guess what I found when I got back out to the parking lot. No really, go ahead and guess. Did you guess a dent in the hood the size of a small dinner plate? Well you are correct!
Somebody jumped on my car! There were a couple of slightly dusty footprints, and that is how I know how my car happened to have its hood molested!
Somebody jumped on my car! How can you jump on somebody's car unintentionally? The answer: You can't! Jumping on something as big as a Toyota Corolla is, as a general rule, a premeditated action. Who says to themselves, "I believe that I will leap upon the bonnet of this automobile that is not under my ownership."?
There is a slight chance that whoever did it did not realize that they caused damage, but I imagine it probably went more like this:
"Ah f**k dude! You dented it! Hahaha! Nobody saw so let's get inside and get that Blue Moon and Cheez Whiz that we came here for!"

Human Race, I have a serious problem with you! Consider yourself on notice!

Watermark...

As of today I have passed both the marks of 75 chapters and 50,000 words for Knowing Andrew. The story line isn't anywhere near being finished, but whenever it is, as of this point, it will be my first novel-sized work. I couldn't be more pleased. Writing it has been an absolute blast.
I remember back to last year when I was all like "I've written 12 chapters for KA and I'm just so proud of myself!" So long ago. So young. So naive...

Of all the things...

Many things happened this weekend that are worth talking about. I will now talk about them.

On Friday I got the album Back to the Light by Brian May in the mail, and it is fantastic. I’m trying to think of my favorite track on it, but...it’s just so hard. Let’s go this route: My least favorite of the 13 is I’m Scared, but that’s not really saying much, because I like it too. It’s just a really awesome bunch of songs/music. May does the vocals and plays the great majority of the instruments for the album, with the late, great Cozy Powell on drums. He um, he wasn't dead when they recorded it...
Anyway, the album consists of ten songs and two instrumentals, all but one of which are May originals, with collaboration on music for three of them. The last song on the album is a bonus remix track. I'm still trying to decide on a favorite and it just doesn't seem to be happening. I don't think I can make that call.
All in all, unquestionably a great album. May is an absolute virtuoso. And also apparently Moses for a short while in his younger day...

On Saturday I helped re-pot and move a ten-foot tall fig tree. I also trimmed back the dead branches and twigs and helped clean off the dust and whatnot that had settled on the leaves. I learned some valuable things about how to keep trees alive indoors whilst in conversation with Ms. Kay, whom I was helping. I'm quite interested in plant biology and cultivation and I’ve wanted to grow a tree for some time now, so it was a very educational and interesting experience for me.

I also went to the 36th Annual Indiana Fiddlers’ Gathering over in Battle Ground on Saturday with some friends to hear some bluegrass/folk music, and it was quite a blast. An interesting sub-community to be sure. My favorite band consisted of three guys who played acoustic swing with a fiddle, a guitar, and a string bass. They were awesome. All three of them just real masters with their instruments, and I highly approved of the song style. They were Aaron Weinstein (violin), Frank Vignola (guitar), and Jim Cox (bass). Should you ever get a chance to hear them, I recommend it.

The sunset over the trees in the glen was gorgeous, and the weather great for such an occasion. For a bit, later in the night, it looked like it was about to rain, but then the clouds cleared and you could see the stars above the clearing, with the Big Dipper dead center. It was very nice.

By far though, the best part of Saturday was when The Foghorn Stringband (whom I didn’t really like that much) paused for a couple of seconds between songs during their set and some guy sitting a ways behind me yelled out “Freebird!!!” I smiled first, because of the setting, and then I laughed out loud when it suddenly struck me that this was a man that was not at all connected with SOG, Benji, or I, and he was yelling for Freebird at a bluegrass festival. Even if I had not enjoyed anything else about the evening, that pretty much just made the whole thing worth it.

Run for the hills...

I am extremely angry right at this moment. So much so that my stomach is aching. I ran across a link to an article on the Poles whilst going through the Yahoo nexus, and thinking that it would be a quick and interesting read, followed it. Unfortunately, I never got to reading the actual article. The first thing that came up was the title and short blurb for the article with another link to get to the body. Right below that were the comments that people had left. I read the first page of them before closing the whole thing in disgust and rage.
These types of comments can be neatly placed in four distinct categories. Ehem:
First you have the people who are intelligent enough to do a bit of research, know what they're talking about, and, *gasp*, actually give a rat's left buttock about what's going on in the world around them.
Then you have your folks who seem to want what's best, but don't really know what's going on. (aka They've watched a Michael Moore film, and that's all the research they need. Those would be the good-hearted "OMG! The polar bears are gonna die!" people.)
Thirdly are the people who are sceptical, which in and of itself is a good thing. Except that they don't follow up on that scepticism. They just sort of hang neutral, spreading their non-opinions around like slow-churned, low trans-fat, heart-healthy, butter substitute product, and basically just convoluting things as much as they can whenever possible.
And lastly (my absolute favorite in all the whole wide freakin' world!), there are the imbeciles that blatantly ignore facts, turn their backs on research, shun simple observation skills, and then go around preaching their strongly held, sarcasm laden, pseudo-scientific "findings" with all the determination of Al Sharpton at the annual CivCon! I'm talking about the type of person that would defend strip mining the Alaskan tundra with their life if they thought they heard Rush Limbaugh say that it would be a good idea one morning whilst they were driving to work in their Ford Expedition. It is these people that absolutely kill any faith in humanity that I happen to have picked up in between times!
I cannot stand willful ignorance, particularly when it is combined with arrogance. Of course, I guess when some people get an idea caught between the only two brain cells that they have floating around in their skulls, it can be kind of hard to knock it loose again.

*Primal scream* Use your brains, people!!!

... ... My stomach doesn't hurt anymore...

Desperation...

~ Churning, writhing,
destroying from the inside.
Is there no stopping it?
Killing me slowly, quietly,
like a horrid disease.
No cure for this one.
They say chin up.
Tomorrow is a new day.
But I know,
it will come back.
When I'm lying in the dark,
contemplating.
It approaches,
silently through the night,
slipping into me,
over me,
covering me,
choking me,
like a curse,
only more painful.
When will it end?
Maybe never. ~

~From the mind of Renee

Pause for thought...

If you're interested:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3jol1S0BTs&NR=1

Sound in silence...

Cut off, I'm left to wander.
Roaming the wasteland, looking for something.
Looking for peace of mind maybe.
Cut off by actions and lack thereof.
I had a hand in my isolation.
My loneliness is partially by my doing.
Cut off by silence.
And not just my own.
Is there anyone out there?

Being greeted by friends in a strange house...

Peace: "Hey."
Lauren: "Hey."
Angel Hair: "Hey."
Kamikaze: "Kitty!"

Along the way...

So some of you probably know that I am in ENGL 238 for the first summer module here, which is a bit more than half over incidentally. I love that class and it is just going fantastically well and that makes me very happy. One of the options for the two book projects that we get to do is to write a scene or a chapter from the perspective of a character who is not the narrator of one of the books that we're reading for class. My group chose to do that on a book called Inexcusable for the first of the two projects, and so I wrote a chapter for that that was about 11 pages long (double spaced) and I think it turned out pretty well.
I think maybe what pleased me most about it is that I had some free time at work, so I just sat down at the computer and started typing some stuff up. Two or three years ago, I probably would not have been able to do that. It's one thing to engage in something that you enjoy, quite another to be able to see yourself growing and (hopefully!) improving along the way. I'm not professional caliber by any stretch of the imagination but I do think that my writing has come pretty far and really in a relatively short amount of time. At least it seemed short to me!
One of the things that has changed is that I've reached the point where I am willing to put some of my writing out there. A few years ago I would not have had enough confidence in it (and for good reason!) to present a story to my classmates and offer it for use in a project.
I think starting Aiden was a big step for me because it broke into doing something that I'd never done before, and that was writing something that was not premeditated. I've really grown in that area since then I think. It's been about a year now since I began Aiden's story and I can see definite changes in my writing since then.
Here's to evolution.

The Island...

~ I park beneath the Aspen tree that spills over the high, concrete retaining wall. Get out of my car and stand in the parking lot, nearly empty, breathing the damp, rain scented air. Droplets fall on my pad of paper and I feel that I could stay here forever.
Around me the sounds of traffic, behind me I hear a door open and a janitor beat the dust from a push broom. The droplets fall faster, bleeding the ink, wetting my hair. This should be uncomfortable. This should feel awkward.
The wind makes the branches above me, newly green with the fresh verdance of early summer, dip and sway. The Aspen, the touch of nature here, dances with the wind.
The rain falls harder.
The damp paper rues ink. ~
~ From the life of Renee

Inexcusable talent...

http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/share_view/nExJ7BoIbCZFV0g32vxrM0JR

Many thanks to Angel Hair and T. Rex for putting this together, and of course to Stuart for the use of his head.

Pressing the issue...

I just saw Iron Man, and I have to say, what a fantastic movie! I thought is was great. You should see this movie. I think that it may have found a place in that hallowed "Top 5" list. It is quite awesome. Most definitely worth the price of a ticket to see it on the big screen.

Don't you hate...

...being wrong?

All but one of my final exams are done and over with. Now comes the time of reassuring dread that what is done is done.

I have a few goals for the summer. I'd like to study Spanish every day so I have a bit firmer of a handle on it come Fall semester. I'd like to build up a bit of a backlog of Knowing Andrew chapters so that I won't have to worry about that so much in November (remember that NaNoWriMo goal?) And finally, I'd like to complete Aiden, if possible. And I think that it is possible. I'd also like to run some sleep deprivation experiments, but that's not so much of a goal as a curiosity.
Next summer I think I might like either an internship, or if it's feasible, to go abroad.

This semester has gone by very quickly. Sometimes I feel like my life is slipping away and that I haven't accomplished anything yet. I guess all you can do though, is try to enjoy each day. How sickeningly optimistic, right? I couldn't be a hippie. I like to bathe...

Choose your own hybridized adventure...

So I've been working on some sort of bastardized template for KA so that I can get the best of both the old and the beta versions. It's not going as smoothly as one might hope.
On the lighter side of that subject though, I have completed over 50 chapters of Knowing Andrew, and been working on it (relatively) steadily for over 6 months now. Woo. Somebody pat me on the back.
I was talking with a friend the other day about doing NaNoWriMo this year. Might be a fun challenge. Something to think about.
We went to Michigan, as I said we were going to, and it was awesome. The trip was a blast, the accommodations excellent. Our set got cut by about 50% because a couple of -ehem- bad troupes went overtime with their badness, but we handled it professionally, and got what was left of the audience back after one of those particularly bad troupes finally vacated the stage. But, the two troupes that went after us, they were pure gold. Loved every minute of it. Overall it was just a really fantastic time, lotta group bonding, inside jokes, and all that good stuff that dreams are made of.

~ "Life is good... LGizzle. LGizzle Electrizzle. Fo shizzle!" ~
~ Stu

Varied...

Today in Spanish I heard one of my classmates assuring another that tripe was a kind of fish.

How are you all getting on nowadays? I'm good. Sweet of you to ask. I've got my classes for next semester lined up, including the PSY 390 that I wanted with Dr. C.'s team, working on his new Pavlovian conditioning theory. Pretty exciting stuff.

We're performing in Michigan this weekend. Livin' the dream.

Spring is fast upon us. Daffodils are in full bloom in the horticulture gardens with the irises and lilies not far to go.

I've attained a new level of geekhood. I am the proud owner of my very own set of polyhedral RPG dice. I made a bag for them and everything. They like me already. I can tell. They're special.

Rick Astley 101...

I accidentally found this guy because of an April Fool's Day prank on Youtube. I think he's great! His voice is very unique (and pretty fantastic in my opinion.) Besides, he's a handsome, redhaired, English guy with a cute smile. What's not to like? Here's my favorite song (yeah, I'm a dork, I love it), very catchy (ah that 80's beat!), but I like the humor in the video as well.:



If you liked that, I suggest: Hold Me in Your Arms and Never Gonna Give You Up

I've decided...

...to stop blogging. I mean, I've been doing this for two years now, and it's really time to grow up and move on. I'm an adult.
Thanks for the good run folks.
Good night...

Quite clearly...

...I am neither an expert in chess, nor the RPGs. Oh no, you say. Oh yes, I maintain.

And I love this site. I just...do: The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks

Happy Easter everyone.

Durable...

During "Spring" Break, my little brother and I spontaneously decided to go sledding in the quickly melting snow. For lack of an actual sled we used the lid of a plastic storage bin. Due to the fact that it was the lid to a plastic storage bin, the front of it wasn't as good for skimming over the snow, so much as digging into the snow. Still, it was the first time I've sledded (slid?) in years, and falling off of our makeshift toboggan was as much fun as the actual sledding.
We also catapulted snowballs into the pond with our makeshift trebuchet (the lid of a plastic storage bin). The dog enjoyed it too.

Reclaimable...

"Imperiously he leaps, he neighs, he bounds,
"And now his woven girts he breaks asunder;
"The bearing earth with his hard hoof he wounds,
"Whose hollow womb resounds like heaven's thunder:
"The iron bit he crushes 'tween his teeth,
"Controlling what he was controlled with.

"His ears up-prick'd, his braided hanging mane
"Upon his compass'd crest, now stands an end;
"His nostrils drink the air, and forth again,
"As from a furnace, vapours doth he send;
"His eye, which glistens scornfully like fire,
"Shews his hot courage, and his high desire.

~William Shakespeare

The essence of spring...

~ Lavender overflows the verge in a wave of delicate purple. The long buds of orange lilies bask in blissful sunlight atop tall stems, expectant, suspenseful. Will today be the day? Off to the side I find a small patch of tiny daisies, all but hidden among the taller plants. Are they waiting there for me? ~
~ From the life of Renee

As I may or may not have mentioned before, it's already time to register for summer and fall classes here. The class that I am probably the most excited about is Modern Ethical Theories. And as it so happens, I believe that one of my more favorite philosophy professors will be teaching it! Hoorah.

~ "Now don't put too much finger paint on them or it'll just soak right through." ~
~ Stu

Shameless plug...

Knowing Andrew!
www.KnowingAndrew.blogspot.com

"It has cliffhangers."


Now in new EZ-You-Should-Totally-Read-Knowing-Andrew-View formatting!

The Muses sing...

~ Walking home I saw a leaf spinning across the snow, caught in a gust of winter wind.
Out of control, just going along with it. There was really no other option.
It danced and twirled, inseparable from the ecstasy. Pulled into something much bigger, deeper, stronger.
Ineffable. ~
~ From the life of Renee

Imaginary...

So lately we've been going through a lot of case studies and research on the dissociative disorders, the most widely known being of course Dissociative Identity Disorder (or Multiple Personality Disorder as it used to be called). My most recent area of research being the correlation between childhood imaginary companions and the later development of DID alters.
Now it should be stated that basically all documented cases of DID showed absolutely horrific childhood abuse, usually including sexual. But not all abused children develop DID. The question is why? Back to the ICs.
For just about all disorders some predisposition is necessary. Combine that with just the right life stressor, or upbringing, or social position, or etc and "voila!" you have a psychological disorder. There is some evidence that children with DID, or a predisposition towards dissociation, tend to have/had many, enduring, and vivid ICs. The ICs also tend to take on roles beyond that of simple playmates. Typically complex, perhaps some with protector qualities, some even being malevolent in nature.
Now, all that is not to say that any child with lots of imaginary buddies is going to develop DID. Remember the combination thing. Really what this research is looking for are markers. If you find something that across the board points to children that have/will have dissociative disorders, you can identify/treat them. (A lot of adults with DID will suffer years without being properly diagnosed. It is not something that presents itself in an obvious manner, and it is most often accompanied by other disorders that may appear to be foremost, aka depression.) Children typically respond much better than adults to treatment in this particular area, not to mention the fact that if you can catch the process before it fully develops, less damage would be done. Maybe, maybe that child could have a normal life after that.
More research needs to be done.

Passion rules the games...

Free word association is an interesting concept. I'm gonna do some right now!
Immediately. Eternally. Deity. Power. Knowledge. Education. Pride. Esteem. Self. Autonomy. Emotion. Sensation. Life. Death. Black. Night. Star. Light. Enlightenment. Understanding. Acceptance. Speech. Occasion. Celebration. Joy. Friend. Comfort. Teddy bear. Animal. Love.
Gonna stop there.
How do you feel about anger? A certain amount of anger is a healthy thing. At some point it crosses a line, and that line is of course not in a nameable or permanent place. You also have the other extreme, in which the anger is continually repressed, no better for you in the long run than the former.
I think that there has to be a balance. Naturally that balance is something that each person has to find for themselves, but I think it is there. There's no reason to explode at every little thing, and sometimes you have to just let go of things out of your control (heck, even in your control in some cases). But you also can't live your life denying yourself feelings. It's not always easy to find the balance.
I'm workin' on it.
It. Ebay. Buy. Store. Keep. Retain. Teeth. Dentist. Doctor. Health care. Insurance. Security. Blanket. Warmth...

The day I lost you...

~

I feel your heart beat

Strong

Steady

Reassuring

If only I had known

Waiting

Lurking

Diabolical

Tearing you away from me

Pain

Anguish

Isolation

I think it was harder

Darker

Bleaker

Lonlier

For me than for you

Alone

Adrift

Confused

I'm left alive to continue

Persist

Survive

Remain

How could you leave me

Death took your life

And my heart

I'd prefer

Death

~

From the mind of Renee

Of the sort...

~ I cradle myself and rock back and forth. Robert approaches and puts his arms around me, wrapping me in his comforting warmth.
"Are you okay, baby?" he murmurs into my ear. Tears slip down my face and I try to formulate a response.
"No. It hurts." That's all I can get out. Somehow he understands. Direct connection can do that for you. He holds me tighter.
His shirt is soft against my face and he smells faintly of cedar and spices. His lips brush my neck and I am momentarily distracted from my desire to cry.
His love, more aptly, his empathy, expunges the ache in my heart and it all comes pouring out, bidden or not.
He rubs my back as the silent tears run down, wetting my lips, tasting of salt and grief. I leave them to their fate.
He has no need to speak. He's already said it all without uttering a word. ~
~ From the mind of Renee

I very rarely write in the first person, but I think that sometimes it works. Provides a level of insight that would not otherwise be possible.

Pride goeth before the ball...

So the 77th annual Purdue Literary Awards are coming up here. Most of the categories are for poetry, and since the only poetry I've ever written has been largely accidental I don't have a huge chance of winning anything.
But, you've got no chance of winning if you don't enter, so I entered the snot outta that competition!
As I said, most categories were for poetry/prose, so I scrounged up a few things that could pass for that. Couple of categories for short stories. I entered some Jared, and chapters 8-12 I think of Knowing Andrew as a stand alone, couple other things. There was actually a category for novel-in-progress, but I just couldn't bring myself to make a definitive outline for the rest of Aiden to go with the 'script. I like that spontaneity too much.

We'll see how all of that goes for me.

Inconvenient...

~ Pulled aside by the Captain, I was rewarded with the worst possible news. We weren't going anywhere fast and the ship was outfitted with very little foodstuffs, as our journey was not meant to be a protracted one. We were, by necessity, off of the main shipping lines, so we were not likely to see any help soon.
There is no feeling of hopelessness like being stranded on an ocean.
I made my way back to my cabin, past all the clueless people gathered at the rails, just realizing we'd stopped and speculating amongst themselves as to why.
Confining myself to the seclusion of my berth I reviewed our options in my mind. The one thing that I could think of that was downright fortunate was that on board there was quite the military contingent in transport, with full survival gear. That should include some food and potable water, perhaps even a way to convert salt water into drinkable. I made a mental note to check into that.
Being non-conventional military, and not part of the general citizenry I guessed that I was now one of the only free-agents on board. At that point in time the thought gave very little comfort, seeing as we were all, quite literally, "in the same boat".
Several tasks in mind I grabbed a notebook and pen and left my cabin to find the Captain again. He turned out to be on the bridge, looking pensive, as one might expect. I boldly broke into his reverie.
"Captain, I've thought of several things that we should discuss as soon as possible," I said.
"Yes, I have as well, Mr. Cambridge. Shall we fight to decide who should go first?" The captain smiled weakly in an attempt to bolster his little stab at humor. I nodded for him to continue with his thoughts.
"First is the question of when and what to tell the passengers? I think they deserve to know what's going on, and they'll also need to know why everything is rationed, but should we tell them the whole, un-buffered truth?" he said.
I only had to think that one over for a moment.
"Yes. Chances are they'll hear something from the staff anyway. I'd prefer for a few of them to get a little crazy now than to have rumors coursing rampant through the ship later." The Captain nodded.
"Alright, I can see the logic in that. How shall they be told?" he asked of me. I had already considered my answer to that as well.
"You could make a general shipwise announcement for all passengers to return to their cabins, then we could go section to section and explain the situation to smaller groups. That way we might be able to better answer questions and escape the possibility of mass panic." He nodded his agreement again.
"And I can get Misters Cunningham and Farner, the first mate and bursar, to help us with that so we can get through the sections faster," he added. "But I'd like to address all of the crew first though, to alert them of what's happening, as well as so they can go ahead and get a start on some of the necessary tasks. First and foremost being the food and water rationing of course." The Captain had my wholehearted approval there, so we set to immediately... ~
~ From the mind of Renee

Perhaps a bit more on this later. Do you like it?

Calling all clouds...

Last week I dreamed that I knew Richard Dean Anderson and we had tea together.
This week I dreamed that my 11 year old brother was still a baby and Stu's family came to one of my lectures with me.
Last night I dreamed that Roger Taylor brought a young (but very conscientious) elephant to my house, and it was curious about my horses.

I love my dreams.

It all started....

...back in the summer of '07. Those were the days. It was hard living, tough times, but we knew the value of a dollar, and we were thankful to dig holes for a living! Eherm. Sorry, got to waxing a bit nostalgic there.
Anyway, last summer Ryan shared a bit of his extensive music collection with me, including several tracks from Queen albums. Since then evolution has taken place and I can honestly say that I believe I have morphed into a pretty hardcore Queen fan.
Big whoop, some of you may be saying, but let me continue. My saying that I am "into" any band is a pretty big deal. Mostly I evaluate music on a song-by-song basis, and the number of bands or artists that I can say I like across the board can be counted on one hand. Less than one hand.
I've not found a Queen song yet that I absolutely can't stand. I like some much more than others, granted, but none that I hate.
I've put a couple of music videos/concert clips into this post for you to watch. And by "a couple" I mean "I've narrowed it down to just six." Hey, don't play down the effort that that took. If you don't like one, go on to the next. That's kind of the beauty of Queen, they pulled off such an amazing range of styles. It helped that their lead singer, Freddie Mercury could sing just about anything and make it sound good.
And the guitarist, Brian May, built his own electric guitar with his dad. That is just awesome. Out of wood from an old mantle. More awsome.







Did you like those? Well of course you did. Here, I've linked a few more for you just because, well, I can:

The Miracle
These Are the Days of Our Lives
One Vision
Don't Stop Me Now
Save Me
I Was Born to Love You
Anyway, now I just need to get a couple of their albums.
And a poster. And a t-shirt. And a calendar...

Thanks Ryan.

~ Me: "Are you-"
~ Kyle: "Yes."

At least I'm not...

...writing Star Trek fanfic.

So, you people that I gave Aiden manuscripts to, how are ya liking it so far?

As I said on the Knowing Andrew website, I have reached the point when I really need to decide if continuing the story is worth the amount of time that I'm putting into it. Relatively speaking, it doesn't take that much of my time out of the week. But it does take a lot of my writing time out of the week. Also writing energy if that makes any sense to you. But! According to the word on the streets, practice does make perfect, so is it worth it, even though I don't have that many readers? Possibly. Thoughts?

I hate writing trite things, and if I have to try to force it with Aiden, I just won't write. Getting nothing done is better than the alternative in this case.

I went to a workshop on etiquette. It was very interesting actually. Presented by the Purdue president's event coordinator, Anthony Cawdron. From England, he's got a Master's in hospitality and something else, and worked as a butler in days past. He teaches a class on campus as well. And he's a really funny guy.
I learned to always pass the salt and pepper together, how to get people through a receiving line quickly, how to hold a glass, hors d'ouvre plate, fork, and napkin while still keeping a hand free for shaking, and how to subtly let restaurant staff know that I am in charge of a business situation, even if I am the only female at the table.
Also how to keep a man from inadvertently crushing your fingers when you shake hands, though that's not something I've ever really had a problem with personally.
It's actually pretty riveting stuff.

~ "Now I'm beginning to regret laying Nale..." ~
~ Angel Hair

Confrontation...

~ "Dude, just ask her out already! You like her, she seems to be okay with you...What's to lose?"
Robert rolled his eyes in unadulterated exasperation.
"Edwin Winger, we have been over this and I refuse to have this conversation again. I have my reasons, and you've heard most of them-"
"They're stupid ones," Ed muttered.
"You've heard most of them, and quite frankly I don't care if you don't like them. It's not you I'm trying to please. Do you think you could just back off a bit?" With a scathing look Robert turned away and headed for the door.
"Well then just who are you trying to please Rob?" Edwin called after him. "Cause it sure seems to me that you're something short of gleeful." Robert executed an about face and came back to stand in front of Ed without ever slowing. He leaned in close and spoke slowly, enunciating each syllable with painful deliberation, as if assuming the worst about Edwin's intellect.
"This is really none of your business. This is what I like to call "my business". Now I asked you to back off." There was silence for a long moment while the two men stared at each other. Edwin spoke.
"Alright already, I'll back off!"
"Good," Robert said.
"But I think you're making a mistake." Edwin murmured under his breath as Robert began to turn his back again.
"You're not really so much backing off, as not backing off!" snapped Rob.
"Okay, I'll exercise amazing levels of super-human restraint and I really will keep my thoughts and feelings all to myself. It'll be hard, but I'll give it my best. My lips are sealed. I'm done trying to convince you. I won't say anything else. Consider my opinion null and void." Robert's face softened a tiny bit and Edwin caught the barest hint of the beginnings of a smile trying to touch the corner of Robert's mouth.
"Thank you. I appreciate your sacrifice to the cause."
Ed waved his hand.
"Oh it was nothing! Anything for a friend," he said. Robert shook his head, and this time, actually did smile.
"Have I told you recently that I think you're a little off? A nice guy, but a little off."
"Yeah, what would you do without me?" ~
~ From the mind of Renee

Oh the humanity...

I'm writing this while I should be doing something else. Hurrah for procrastination!
School's going good. As was the case last year I think that Spanish should probably be the most time consuming overall. My Gender Across Cultures text is actually interesting. What a novel concept. I'm disappointed that I did not get Don Mitchell for philosophy, even though he was listed as teaching it. I heard that he is really good. And that's about all I have to say on that issue.
In other news: I wish I had more time to write. Writing a book is, of course, not even half the job of getting it published, but it'd be nice to finish. I read an article by a fantasy author on writing and he said that the stages of completing a book are these:

You start writing and are full of vigor and inspiration.
You hit a dry spell somewhere in the middle.
You get about half way and feel like it's never going to be done.
You push through that, see the finish on the horizon, get your second wind, and finally draw to a conclusion.

So far I've been pretty textbook.