Tripping through the wire forests...

This morning I woke up dreaming about my car. Same car, but it had slightly customized controls. Instead of a steering wheel I had a reverse yoke. The gear shift was a flat red button-lever on the right bottom leg of said yoke. Worked pretty well actually. Had to explain it to everyone who got in the car, but that was a small price to pay.
Did you have a good Christmas? I had a good Christmas. Not a bit of snow here, just rain. Gorgeous out last night though. Clear skies, chill air. Been bonding with the dog. Also watching a lot of Animal Planet and Science Channel. Did you know that dragonflies have four wings which they manipulate separately? That's what lets them fly in basically any direction, and pull off the impressive aeronautics that they do.
Have a great New Year everybody!

~ Look, this may seem simple and juvenile, but it's really quite complicated. Now could you hand me that red crayon?" ~
~ Ben
From the mind of Renee.

I'm very understanding...

Some of you may have been wondering what's been going on with the SoF lately. Oh yeah? Well I'm going to talk about it anyway.

First off, we were delighted to bring in fresh talent earlier this semester. Here's a belated welcome to Steven "Angel Hair" and Brant "Rubble". As always you can see their true-to-life profiles on the SoF website, or on the SoF wiki.

We've had a good number of shows this semester and the club has been moved to take part in several charitable works. We're all so very proud.

In other news, we've already begun booking next semester with tentatively firm dates set for our third annual SoF/AOO show (March 1st) and for a return trip to the Towle Theatre in Hammond, IN (February 2nd). That is something that I personally am extremely excited for. Former Fool and current ISU grad student, Alex, will be rejoining us that evening on stage if all goes as planned.

In another area of my life, I am just under my goal of 26,000 words of my novel completed by the end of this year, and hopefully I can finish that up over break. Right now I am going to set the goal of having 39K done by the end of next semester. I am pleased with what I have so far. As I stated before it has been kind of slow lately, but I rather expected that. Apparently most authors hit the doldrums somewhere near the middle of a book and just have to fight through it until another fresh breeze hits the sails.

I've been publishing my ongoing story Knowing Andrew online for 2 months now, and I like it. Though it does take time away from Aiden, I think that any writing practice is good writing practice.

Speaking of writing practice, I am enrolled in a creative writing class (ENGL 205) for next semester. Hopefully that will be fun. I'm also in Abnormal Psych (PSY 350), Motivation (PSY 333), Spanish (SPAN 102), Gender Across Cultures (ANTH 303), and Philosophy of Religion (PHIL 330). A very Liberal Arts heavy schedule indeed. We'll see how that goes for me.

Finals are over for this semester and I think that I did alright. I intend to continue studying Spanish through the break to get the stuff that I failed to memorize during the term down pat, and also to hopefully spend a good bit of time writing.

~ "I'm not tense! I'm just terribly, terribly alert." ~

~ Some character in Touch of Pink

The unnecessary...

So how do you feel about New Year's resolutions? I personally find them inefficient. If I want to resolve to do/not do something I can do it at any point in the year. I suppose that the idea is that you are starting a whole new, heretofore unadulterated, year and thus can leave the past behind you and strike out on a new path, new leaf close to hand. In my personal experience the past is never left behind you.
That sounds rather negative, and perhaps even a tad creepy ("Just what don't you understand about 'Leave me alone!', Past? Don't call me again!"), but I don't mean it that way. To the contrary, without our pasts we would be lost. Not just the good things, but the bad things as well, shape us into who we are. Bad things don't have to be a complete loss. As hard or unpleasant as it may be to face them, they shouldn't necessarily be buried or hidden. Pain can heal, and hurt can teach.
This year, sure I'll make a couple of resolutions, at the least for traditions sake. I will write them down in my journal and a year from now I'll look back and see how I did. If you ever see them you'll find that they tend to be rather vague, and quite often abstract. Hopefully, they'll never, ever take the form of wishing to change the past.

~ "Let no one delay the study of philosophy while young nor weary of it when old." ~
~ Epicurus - Letter to Menoeceus (Diogenes Laertius) 10.112

Contemplation...

I absolutely love this song by one Robbie Williams. He's got the great combination of strong and smooth in his voice which is so wonderful for the classic jazz pieces (I recommend It's Delovely, Ain't Love a Kick in the Head, My Way, and One For My Baby to name a few), but also the versatility to do the more poppy rock songs (I like Something Beautiful). I think you can see both in Angels. It's also great when he sings it in Spanish! I'll tell you one thing; the man has better range than I do.

So, for your viewing pleasure, Robbie Williams' Angels:



In Spanish: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnggOwh3RWI

Listen up, we don't have much time...

Let's talk about my literary exploits.
The book is coming along. Slowly. My gosh, slowly. Seems that for the past month or so I've been in a dry spell. And when I say "dry spell" I mean "arid wasteland". But! Last night I pulled it together and wrote another chapter for it. That makes me happy. That also gives me approximately 21K words. If I write another 5K before Christmas I will have met my goal for this year.
In other literary news, I've written 12 chapters of my ongoing story Knowing Andrew (That's http://knowingandrew.blogspot.com kids!) and that's pretty exciting to me. I have my doubts as to how long I can make this particular story line last, but so far I think it's going pretty strong. I like the fact that often it comes down to the day that I'm supposed to post and I have no idea what's going to happen, so I just start writing and the story manifests itself.
I wouldn't call it my best writing by any stretch, but there are parts that I really do like, and it is breaking into a genre/format that I haven't worked much with, so that's exciting.

~ "President Jischke does not touch doorknobs!" ~
~ Preston

I haven't seen a dungeon or a dragon yet...

Last night a group of friends and acquaintances of mine got together to make up characters for a new auxiliary RPG (my second ever). This one is going to be the classic sort of D&D dealio rather than the Star Wars theme that we've got going for the main game now. (Gametime?)
In it I'll be playing an elf by the name of Baellam Korvain. Compared to my Star Wars character, Jagden Morealas, he is fairly tame. More the backwoodsy, quiet, reserved type, he is sometimes hard for me to read.
On the other hand, Jagden, who has quite the force of personality, just kind of happens. I think mainly because whatever comes to my mind, be it a joke or an improprietous statement, Jag has no trouble at all saying it. Baellam is not so forward, so I have to hold that stuff in. He is much more serious and, though forthright, very aware of social interactions. His personality can and will be drawn out I think, but until it is he's going to be very quiet.
It should be interesting.

Cyclical...

Well my ongoing story has been ongoing for a month now, which means that my trial period is over and it is time to decide whether or not I want to continue with it. Big commitment, those ongoing stories. On the one hand, I like that it gives me a break from Aiden. On the other, it does take my mind away from my main writing goal for the moment, which happens to be finishing Aiden. Is that a wholly bad thing? I don't think so...

I watched an episode of Stargate SG-1 today in which a man is stranded on a planet, completely alone, for over 50 years. When they find him he exhibits some shock, as one would expect, and he can hardly get a sentence out. Also, as one might expect. I have to wonder how that kind of solitude would effect myself. I think it would be hard. Particularly in a case such as this one, as it was forced upon him. One thing that would help I think is that he did have to worry about his own survival, which gives one something to do.
To that end I would like, one of these days, to spend at least several weeks completely cut off from humanity. Now whether that would be in a patch of wilderness somewhere, or in the privacy of my own home doesn't really concern me. The point would be, no human contact of any kind. I'm very curious about this.

Veterans Day, 2007: A Reverance...

Thank you.

Not that time of year again!...

Yup, you got it. The semesterly introspection post. It was either this or some picture of a dark angel off of deviantART.
In case you were wondering, this semester I have been less than energetic about classes. Felt a little burned out to be honest. Because of that, I may not have all A's this semester. And furthermore, I'm not really bothered by that fact.
As far as the whole "life-decisions" go, not a lot of progress in that department. Still not sure if I'm doing the right thing with the whole "switching to psych" deal. One thing that I have pretty much decided on, is that I'm going to hang around an extra year and pick up a double major in philosophy.
Next semester I'm going to have 18 credit hours to deal with and I'm pondering whether or not I could afford to cut my work hours back to only as much as my work-study covers. Maybe less?
Soooo, yeah. This introspection post was a lot shorter than I thought it would be.

In other news, Jenny and myself just signed a lease for an apartment next year. We should move in sometime in August. That's pretty exciting stuff. I'll be eagerly looking forward to our move-in date. We'll be just around the corner from a park, where there are swings, and a dog drinking fountain.

Eh, let's just call it filler...

Borrowed from Ryan because, well, I thought his was funny.

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
Well that would be my journal: "...stuff (and the rest of them all..."
And if that doesn't count, Memorial Day by Vince Flynn: "...and then some. The man proved himself a virtual fountain of intel-..."
2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?
The bed.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Probably...Fairly Odd Parents with Shiloh last time I was home.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
2:25
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
2:15
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The air conditioner.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
A few hours ago, when I was returning from the Village where I had coffee with Jamie and Kyle. Beautiful evening.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Ryan and Paul's blogs
9. What are you wearing?
Articles of clothing.
10. Did you dream last night?
Oh yes, as I have for some time now.
11. When did you last laugh?
A few minutes ago reading Paul's account of his blood donation.
12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?
A group of large pictures of wild animals indigenous to North America, 2 calendars (horses), a group of SoF pictures, a horse quilt, and a giant pencil drawing of Amunhotep III done by my Aunt Beth.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Yes. I saw a perfect tub of completely (as of that time) unadulterated sorbet at the coffee shop.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
The virtue of a quiz, I believe, is not in the questions, but in the answers.
15. What is the last film you saw?
If Stargate SG-1 on DVD counts, then that. If not, then I think it had to have been Mickey Blue Eyes?
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I think that the first thing I would buy would be a set of green golden D&D die. And a candybar.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I feel more adept at creating male characters than female.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Is this past, present, and future? Natural or man-made issues? So many things to think about, hard to say...
19. Do you like to dance?
Oh yes.
20. George Bush:
What about him?
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Not Gwendolyn.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Gwendolyn.
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Why sure.
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Hopefully something along the lines of: "Renee! Oh it's so good to see you! Come on in and make yourself to home! Supper's gonna be on in about 20 minutes."
25. Do you like the people of your same sex?
Well sure. Mostly. Some of them not. Some are alright. Ok, so I don't have that much experience with women...
26.Tag six people who must also do this in THEIR journal:
No.

One of my favorite...

...sites in the autumn/winter is this one where you can make your own cyber snowflakes. I find it relaxing and fun (then I did some jobs for money...). I encourage you to give it a shot. Some of them are amazingly gorgeous. I personally have not done any that are uberspectacular, but if you click on "Find a Flake" and search for the name "Meridian" the ones that I have made will fall. If you wanted to go way back you could look for "Andromeda", the name I used in 2005. If you make some, leave a comment with the name you used so I can go and look at them too!

Hilarious and awesome.

An announcement...

As most of you will know, I have always been the admirer of the ongoing story. So I've decided to try making one. Allow me to introduce you to:


Knowing Andrew


As of this moment in time the plan is for the story to be updated twice a week, every Monday and Friday. The first chapter is already up, and you may recognize it as a stand alone scene that I posted here not terribly long ago. The second chapter will be added the 19th. For now I am counting this as a month long trial. If, after a month, I feel that it is too much added to my current regime of Aiden, then it will be discontinued, hopefully not permanently.

This is fairly ground breaking for me. I've never attempted anything quite like this before and I am excited. So far I am proud of the story and I like where it is going.

If I can beg a favor of you, please read it, and if you can stomach it, read the updates. If it's not so bad that you would be ashamed to do so, I personally would appreciate you telling a friend about it. You see, I have this goal. This goal to have a reader that I don't actually know/am related to. I just think that would be pretty cool.

As always, thanks to each of you for reading!



By way of a PS: Peace has recently started his own MWF ongoing story. Check it out. Definitely worth a read.

Oh, and a PSS: From now on there will be a link in my sidebar to Knowing Andrew, just so you're aware, under the other stories labels.

Paradoxical...

As it turns out I identify more as an academic than a woman.
Huh.

~ Well I personally have a healthy respect for frag grenades... ~
~ Jagden Morealas

The Search...

~ Today I went looking for the surreal. Of all the things that I write about, I like writing about surreal things most. Since nothing that would qualify as extraordinarily surreal has happened to me lately I decided to go find it instead of waiting passively by the way for it to find me. Where can you find the surreal? In stores of course. So that's where I went.
I set out after work with nothing less than determination. First I got lunch. It was delicious. But not surreal. As I am wont to do, I turned up a street that I do not know that seemed to be going in the general direction of my destination (aka Big Lots). As the streets of Lafayette are fairly well ordered, and since I have a quite sufficient sense of direction I do not get lost doing this. I do find things though. Today I found a house on a street corner with an iron fence. It didn't have much yard to speak of, but that bit of earth that it did stand on was covered and all but obscured with greenery. A verdant bower created by trees and ivy and bushes and flowers. I couldn't tell you what the house looked like, as most of it was hidden from view.
I finally got to Big Lots after meandering that very round about way and began shopping for serendipity. They didn't seem to have any in stock. I did get deodorant though. I needed some of that anyway. I paid for my purchases and another car almost backed into mine while I was pulling out. Not surreal. Annoying, but not surreal.
If you can't find the surreal anywhere else always fall back on the Goodwill. It's like your normalcy bomb shelter. If you can't find something surreal there, then you're just not looking.
I got a trench coat for five dollars. ~



If I ever have my own comedy troupe I might call them the Deadly Nightshades.

(FunFact: Deadly nightshade's scientific name Atropa belladonna comes from the name of the Greek Fate, Atropos, who's job it is to cut the thread of life, and the Italian words for "beautiful lady" because in olden times women would use it as a cosmetic substance by putting drops of its highly toxic extract into their eyes to dilate their pupils, thus implying arousal and making eye contact all that much more intriguing.)

Epiphany...

I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine on the topic of the threesome. The central question was: All else being equal, would you rather be with two people of the opposite sex or one of either gender? Truth be told I had never put much thought into the subject. I came to two conclusions:
1) Take the case of me, my theoretical significant other, and an additional woman. I know for a fact that I would not take it well at all to see the man that I loved being intimate with, or even looking at, another woman. So that's out.
2) Let's try me, my TSO, and an additional man. Not being the type to engage in random acts of sexual intercourse, I gotta say that would be a bit weird. For this fact alone: I would have sex with someone that I loved. To have some other guy just stopping in for kicks, that'd make me uncomfortable I'd wager.Why I presented all that here, well, I'm not really sure

I've just brought my would be book up to the mark of approximately 15250 words. That's somewhere between a quarter and a fifth done for your average sized novel. I also had an epiphany. I won't give any spoilers here, but several major points of the plot that I had been ignoring up til now have been made beautifully clear to me. Like fine Waterford crystal.


~ “Aiden. This is really weird. Are you sure we're not hallucinating?”
“Well I'm not Jacob. I won't presume to speak for you.” ~
~ Mine, gimme

Unknowable...

~ I cried.
I cried for my baby, my husband, my pain. I cried because crying was the only thing I could do.
Robert held me locked in his arms, rocking me gently, I only realized later, in time to his own sobs. I clung to him like he was my last hope.
I vaguely remember passing the afterbirth, a nurse gently removing my feet from the stirrups and covering me up. Either no one spoke to me, or I just don't remember it. My world consisted of my anguish, the unendurable ache consuming my heart. Robert's world brushed against mine and I knew his pain as well. I thought that it must be a blessing to die.
This should not be happening to me. This could not have happened to me. That putrid mass of flesh that my body had just so violently expelled could not have been my baby.
I stopped crying. The emptiness choked me. That was not my baby. More tears came where I thought I had none left. That was my baby.
My baby.
The pain dragged me down. I did not resist.
Robert cradled my limp body as a nurse slipped a sedative into my vein. I wondered briefly if they had anything that would dull his agony.
He lay me gently back on the bed and went, for the first and last time, to look at his son. I could still feel his body shaking against my breast.
Hell couldn't hurt this badly. ~

~ From the mind of Renee

Please comment. I need to know what you think of this.

Nothing to see here...

~ Jared leaned in and eyed Sam's work warily.
"I pray God you know what you're doing."
"Yes, yes Jared I do. Now will you quit sweating down the back of my neck?" His voice sounded just a tiny bit testy. Considering that Sam was working with explosives Jared decided to go ahead and back off a little. He leaned back into the wall he was kneeling beside, rifle crossed over his chest and carefully peered out into the darkness surrounding them. The night was absolutely silent but for his own respiration and the faint whispers coming from Sam's direction as he gently swore under his breath. Jared waited for as long as he possibly could before asking.
"How's it going there big guy?"
"The damn blasting cap's aged! I can't say for sure if this thing is going to blow or not. Why can't we freaking have decent equipment for once? ~
~ Mine

For RTG...

This is something that I wrote at the beginning of spring semester and had not intended to share with anyone. It's still not an easy thing to face.
Waiting is the hardest thing on Earth to do.

I think I'll call it Aching Reprieve. Or perhaps The Price of Another Try.
~ I leave his office crying. Is it all joy? Certainly not. Celebrating the renewal of one dream but at the same time mourning the loss of another. Are the two even separable?
I am awash with unspeakable relief. I am distraught at the prospect of selling out for a second chance. How can I quit my dream? How can I not? The goal can lead to its own ruination.
I hadn't started crying until he gave me the good news. One word. I melt. After so very long on the razor's edge.
The darkness lifted, I glimpse the sun. A new twilight settles. I can hold back the tears no longer.
He tells me that I owe myself a second chance.
I still wonder if it's the subject or me.
Did I try hard enough? Was I just not giving my all?
Was the dream worth it?
Can I be happy?
And the doubt that lurks always in my mind:
Was I even capable of doing it?
Is this what I want? ~
~ From the life of Renee

I should pay Dr. Miller a visit...

Not for just anyone...

So the summer sessions are over and we are but days from the beginning of fall classes here at Purdue. Those of you that know me well will probably be aware of the fact that I usually don't take breaks well. Though I relish the lack of deadlines and work, I get bored easily. That having been said, I could easily deal with this little break lasting for another week or two. Still, even though I have been enjoying my short period of somnolence, I am a bit excited for the semester to begin. I'm gonna learn Spanish!
I'm also going to see the Dalai Lama in October. I wasn't sure that I really wanted to go all that badly, but then after talking to a couple people figured that, what the heck, it's probably not an opportunity that all that many people get, I might as well go for it. I also thought that $26 was not a bad price for enlightenment, but Ryan tells me that he doubts that enlightenment is included in the ticket price.
Speaking of prices, one of my more recent, and very salient goals is to save a goodly portion of money. That money will most likely go to one of three things. Those things would be: Music lessons, flying lessons, or investing. The problem being that I'm not sure which to go for. Allow me to present each case.

1) Music. I have always wanted to learn to play an instrument really well. The top contenders would be piano (not very portable, but wonderful), guitar (not my favorite instrument in the world, but portable, and I own one already), and last but not least, violin (portable, fantastically beautiful instrument, but possibly harder to learn).

2) Flying. Since I was a small child I've wanted to get my pilot's license and I have recently learned of Lafayette Aviation which happens to be headquartered at the Purdue Airport. A lesson or two a month would be fantastic! With 10-20 hours I could have my license.

3) Investing. I've always considered it a smart thing to do, especially if you start early. I'd love to be putting money away (and having it earn oodles of interest hopefully) before I hit 25. If I choose to go that route it could happen before I hit 23.

So, people who know me, thoughts?


"Wow! That is some strong gum." ~ Moi
"It's like chewing on a lavender bush!" ~ The Rex

Try the new Trident Wild Blueberry Twist!

Something new and different...

~ Jaden McAllister slipped the knife back into it's sheath and finished pulling the ropes from his ankles. He didn't know why the heck he'd been left his dagger, or why his hands had been tied so loosely for that matter, but he got the impression that he'd find out quite soon. To soon.
A short panel in the wall began to slide open and he smoothly came to his feet. Disconcerting scratching noises were coming from the other side of the quickly widening gap.
He used his last free second to scan the room again. Nothing to take cover behind, nothing to climb. Jaden once again unsheathed his dagger. Looked like he would have to stand and fight.
A lioness came gliding out of the little door, as silent as a shadow, hugging the wall. The opening closed behind her as she circled Jaden. He turned with her, his thoughts racing.
'What is this, the dark ages? Am I to be martyred? What's next? A gladiator match? I can't kill this, it's a protected species!'
Just as Jaden decided that the lone lioness probably wouldn't attack him another panel began to grind open. His decision was split second and final.
Just as the second lioness slunk out to join the first Jaden ripped off his shirt and flung it up at the moving camera head high above that had been tracking him all this time, hoping to God that it would catch on something. With a silent Hail Mary on his lips, Jaden threw himself at his only hope for escape.
What he heard behind him was the scuffling of the lionesses who had deduced the escape plan of their only potential prey and had decided to make a last ditch effort at conquest. The muffled bump of the panel closing shut them off abruptly, leaving Jaden in absolute darkness. He groped around himself to try and establish bearings. He could feel the blood thudding in his face and neck and realized that he was breathing quite hard. He felt hot all over and his bare chest was slick with sweat.
Knife still to hand he began crawling along the tunnel he'd dived into. It turned out to be quite succinct, ending perhaps eight feet later in a cool metal door. He ran his hands over and around it. No handle, no gaps.
It occurred to Jaden that he'd be royally screwed if another lioness was let through this way.
'Or if they let the two in the room back in', the voice of logic reminded him dismally.
"Well this is just fan-damn-tastic." He said aloud. ~
~ It's all me baby.

Everything you ever didn't want to know about me...

Ok, wow this is long long long. I copied this list of so-called "confessions" from someone several months ago figuring that it would make a post for one of those times when I'm very bored and don't feel like actually putting effort into writing something. An "x" marks those things that I am/have/done/etc. You'll get the idea pretty fast I'm sure. You're a smart person.

[] I'm afraid of the quiet. (On the contrary, I'm rather a fan of quietude.)
[] I am really ticklish. (I don't think that I'm really ticklish. Somewhat ticklish yes, much more so as a child.)
[] I'm afraid of the dark.
[] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night. (I would prefer to see people before they see me, and thus would take the darker position if available, But I'm not obsessive about it.)
[] I am homosexual.
[x] I believe in true love.
[] I've run away from home.
[] I listen to political music.
[] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad. (Sorta?)
[] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[] I watch the news.
[] I own over 5 rap CDs. (Oh good gosh, when chickens have lips!)
[] I own something from Hot Topic. (I've passed it in the mall...)
[] I love Disney movies.
[] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse sometimes (I have been known to utter the occasional expletive. Historically the majority of instances have had to do with my car or my school.)
[] I have "x"s in my screen name
[] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation
[] I love Spam. (Aaack, gag, choke.)
[x] I bake well.
[] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[x]I have a job. (Since when is that a confession?)
[] I love Martha Stewart. (Lawd hep us, hep us all!)
[] I have loved someone. (I have loved lots of people and still, in fact, do. But I am assuming that this means been in love with someone, and I would hope that if I had, I would know it.)
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. (I despise it when people do that!!)
[x] I love to laugh.
[x] I have tried alcohol (Communion wine counts right?)
[] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.
[] I have tried a cigarette. (I've done a good bit of pretend smoking in my day. In fact my pretend voice has suffered for it. I generally pretend to cough until about noon every day.)
[] I have smoked a pack in one day. (I've done a good bit of pretend smoking in my day...)
[] I loved Go Ask Alice. (I don't even know what that is.)
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. (What are you supposed to do? Throw away the surplus? Besides, sometimes people get random sore throats. It's something to keep on hand, like aspirin or Preparation H...)
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have many scars. (A goodly number I suppose)
[] I've been out of this country.
[] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. (That depends. What kind of spider is it? A little harmless house spider or a big nasty, hirsute spider? Is it sitting peaceably in it's web up in the corner or is it roaming at large? So many variables...hard to say...)
[x] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me. (I'm not sure how comfortable I could be being someone else, but then I have been someone else in dreams and I seemed quite comfortable. It is entirely possible that I would be comfortable being anybody...)
[] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[] Gotten lost in the city. (Turned around, yes. Lost, no.)
[x] Seen a shooting star
[x] Had a serious surgery. (Is the gallbladder removed serious?)
[] Gone out in public in your pajamas.
[] Have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[x] Been in a physical fight. (Heck yeah.)
[] Been arrested. (No, but I have ridden in a police car.)
[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose.
[] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[] Made out in an elevator.
[] Swore at your parents.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts. (I have kicked guys and from their reaction judged that it hurt. I have not kicked one in the testicles yet though.)
[] Been skydiving. (On the TTDBID list)
[] Been bungee jumping. (See above)
[x] Gotten stitches.
[] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[] Bitten someone. (I don't think I have....I might have...)
[] Been to Niagara Falls.
[] Gotten the chicken pox.
[] Crashed into a car. (Not while I was driving, while I was a passenger once.)
[] Been to Japan. (On the list.)
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[] Shoplifted.
[] Been fired. (Been begged to stay though.That's good for the ego, lemme tell ya.)
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[] Stole something from your job. (Oh my goodness, in every job I've ever had it would have been so incredibly easy. Poor trusting fools...)
[] Gone on a blind date.
[] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. (Does blatant admiration/hero worship count?)
[] Been to Europe
[] Been married.
[] Gotten divorced. (I wanted to "x" this one just because the "been married" one was not checked.)
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[] Been to Canada.
[x] Been On A Plane. (I like that everything is capitalized for this one. I've also had control Of A Plane.)
[] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[] Thrown up in a bar.
[] Eaten Sushi.
[] Been ice skating.
[x] Cried in public.
[] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed. (They call me Kamikaze but even I'm not that stupid. If I wanted to get killed I'd choose a less potentially painful mode of demise.)
[] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have
[x] Thought someone was interested in you
[] Mutually interested in that same person

And there ya have it folks! If you made it all the way down here I commend you. You have my respect. Maybe a little admiration thrown in for kicks. And a dash of awe to bring out the flavor.

You know what's funny?...

A lone penguin slipping on a banana peel on an ice shelf.

Recently (as in the past 2 days) I have been listening to some songs by a group called Aqua.
Are they a 90's dance/pop group? Yes.
Are their lyrics less then simplistic? Yes.
Are their songs packed full of sexual innuendos so transparent as to not even be entertaining? Yes.
Do they have catchy tunes? Yes.
Are a good number of their music videos on Youtube? Yes.

The ones that I like are Around the World (this is probably the best of them, and deviates from the double entendres template), Turn Back Time, Cartoon Heroes (very catchy, indeed), Roses are Red (inexplicably, it's almost annoying), and Barbie Girl is just plain entertaining. Apparently there was a lawsuit involving Mattel at some point. Fascinating.

In other news, in just a few short business days I should be receiving my very own, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, copy of the HBO series Band of Brothers. If you haven't seen it, I strongly urge you to make every attempt. Benji was kind enough to let me borrow his set for a couple weeks and they were good enough that I wanted my own. I am quite excited. It's a fantastic series, wonderfully done.

To you Regular Readers, I apologize for the lack of substantial posting of late. I know that this one little article about a band and a TV show is not exactly ground breaking, and certainly does not merit your patient, continued viewing of this site. But I still appreciate it immensely. And, hopefully, I will soon have time (not to mention a better subject) with which to write.
Until we meet again!

~ "Look Stan, maybe you don't realize what a moron you are but, as an objective observer, I can tell you that it is quite obnoxious. Insufferable even. In fact, I'm going to leave the room right now. No offense, it's just that you're an idiot, nothing personal now. No hard feelings right?" ~
~ Jared Evans, from the mind of Renee.

Hey, remember that time...

...we couldn't start a fire?

Ah, sweet memories, pressed between the pages of my mind. Memories, sweetened through the ages- ehem. Ok.

Once upon a time, so very long ago (last week), a couple of friends decided to start a fire. They wanted to sleep beside it outside underneath the twinkling stars. They wanted it to warm them and keep the bugs away. The friends gathered everything that they needed for their camp-out. The boy friends split lots of dry, dry wood with big axes. The girl friends gathered paper and cardboard and carrots and crisp bunches of hay.
The friends all congregated around the fire pit and went to work building the perfect cheery fire. But there was a problem. The crisp bunches of hay wouldn't stay lit. The cardboard and paper burned out without catching anything around them on fire. The dry, dry tinder didn't even singe. The carrots were no good at all.
One of the boy friends tried walking away from the fire pit, in case his aura was dousing the flames. It did no good. The other boy friend tried lighting alcohol hand sanitizer on fire and that did no good. It just burned right out.
20 minutes later, after many many failed attempts, one of the girl friends used up all of her allotment of talent and luck and expertise and pyro magic for that entire year and finally was able to get the fire to start burning.
The friends stacked lots of dry tinder and other flammable materials around their fire pit and soaked it with gasoline to make sure the fire didn't spread. Safety should always come first kids!


"You have no idea what this fire is incapable of!"
~ Brain Garwood

"Dear Pile of Flammable Things and Alcohol,
What the f**k!?
Sincerely,
Ryan"
~ Brain Garwood

Alone in a crowd...

~ Aiden entered the tiny cafe and did what he always did first. He stopped just inside the door and took a very deep breath. As always it smelled of coffee and chocolate and toasted bread and something else that always eluded him. Was it wood? A spice? Aiden never spent to long mulling over that, lest he ruin it by actually recognizing the scent.
It was a small place, tucked in between two buildings with a tiny sign out front that, though bad for hauling in more patron base, was good in the respect that the place was always quite, never crowded, and the people that were there you'd probably seen there many, many times before.
As it was such a long and narrow space the few seats near the bank of windows in the front were taken almost continually. Aiden was ok with that. He preferred to sit farther back, in one of the invitingly dim, by comparison at least, nooks or crannies. Today though he wasn't alone and not likely to want to sit in an isolated nook watching the world spin about him, while his own personal time stood still in its continuum. This time he went to one of the tables at the front, delicately sun splashed and miraculously uninhabited. He gestured Jacob to a chair.
“So what do you think? I've always liked this place. Found it by almost getting hit by a car.” Jacob glanced around and shot a charmingly casual smile at the cashier.
“Oh yeah? Nice place.”
The cashier blushed in an incredibly adolescent manner and went back to mixing the latte for the customer at the counter. She promptly messed up the order, blushed again and started over. Jacob tactfully didn't notice and scanned the large blackboard that the menu was scrawled on.
"So, what's good here?" ~
~ I made this!

Update: I am currently on page 16 of the would be manuscript. That is roughly a tenth of the size of an "average" novel. So far I think that it's going well. The pacing can be scary. The reassuring thing is that with the kind of format that I've used so far I think that I could go back and insert some additional scenes, should the central plot line end up shorter then I intended. I am constantly hit by tiny modules of panicked worry that this endeavor will not only come to nothing because of the fact that I am making a point of writing, but that I will also completely ruin the story because I rushed it. Hopefully I am wrong on both counts. I have gone back and rewritten one scene that I was not happy with. That was somewhat reassuring. Nothing is permanent.

As good as it gets...

~ It was Charlene Farrisworth's job to shush people, and she took great pride in that.
She'd gone to great lengths to become the stereotypical librarian. She'd dyed her hair gray, wearing it in a tight bun on the back of her head. She wore dowdy cardigans and tweed skirts. She wore bulky oxfords and thick glasses which she'd had to have specially made, her natural vision was 20/20. She was madly obsessive about her obscenely obsolete card catalog, going through it at least 5 times a week to check for misplaced or damaged cards.
Her favorite ritual of all though, was the stamping of the "date due" cards. At the front of her desk, in a neat semi-circle, stood all the required paraphernalia. Blank cards, manipulable rubber stamp, a fresh ink pad.
With relish (and taking her time, the patron could wait) Ms Farrisworth would reverently open the pad, double check the date on the stamp, gently ink it and then abruptly, and with a good measure of muscle behind it, brand the numbers on the virgin card. Tucking it lovingly and snugly into the pocket and snapping the book shut Ms Farrisworth would hand it to the patron, take on an almost disdainful tilt of the head and say her favorite line in all the world.
"That will be due back in 3 weeks." ~
~ From my world

Caffeine is a catalyst...

I spent yesterday evening hanging out with Jenny in the Village Coffee House, sipping a latte and working on the previously stated goal of writing a book. I thought that it went quite well. Seeing our location we felt it necessary (it was Jenny's idea and I am extremely impressionable and emulative) to utilize the same AIM away message that Benji usually employs. Namely: "At the Village Coffee House."
This conversation with Paul ensued (I've left every single typo of mine in for effect. And because if I made a point of editing them out and still missed some, well, that would just make me look stupid.)


captderiv (10:41:10 PM):
Benji!
joyful zephyr (10:41:07 PM):
At the Village Coffee House.
captderiv (10:41:21 PM):
I'd recognize that trademark away message anywhere
captderiv (10:41:34 PM):
So how'd you h4><04rz Renee's account?
joyful zephyr (10:42:02 PM):
ok, you've figured it out. Benji and Renee are in fact the same person. That is why we have never been seen in a room together.
captderiv (10:42:32 PM):
...
captderiv (10:42:37 PM):
It all makes sense now
captderiv (10:43:02 PM):
In hindsight, I should've recognized the signs when we were roommates
captderiv (10:43:14 PM):
All the nudity and yogurt was a clever cover
joyful zephyr (10:43:38 PM):
Yup, women and Benji like yogurt
joyful zephyr (10:43:41 PM):
and nudity
joyful zephyr (10:45:35 PM):
It's either that explanation or this one: Benji is my hero and I absolutely worship the ground that he walks on. I emulate his every move and am a this very moment worshiping the chair that he sits at in the Temple of Village.
joyful zephyr (10:45:54 PM):
You can take your pick really.
joyful zephyr (10:46:02 PM):
captderiv (10:47:44 PM):
You'd *like* to pick one or the other, wouldn't you?
captderiv (10:48:01 PM):
When in fact, the answer is... *both*!
captderiv (10:49:31 PM):
What better way to bootstrap your new Benjiist cult?
joyful zephyr (10:50:17 PM):
damn, all my attemps at redirecting your attention are repeatedly foiled!
captderiv (10:51:12 PM):
You can't get anything past me!
captderiv (10:51:19 PM):
Um, except for the Benji/Renee duality.
captderiv (10:51:33 PM):
But I'm sure that's the only exception, ever.
joyful zephyr (10:51:59 PM):
Word on the streets has it that there is a first time for everything.
captderiv (10:52:50 PM):
First time I've heard the streets say that.
joyful zephyr (10:54:16 PM):
oh yeah? They're quite talkative once you get to know them
captderiv (10:55:55 PM):
The streets talking isn't the problem
captderiv (10:56:01 PM):
You can't shut them up half the time
captderiv (10:56:14 PM):
It's just that most of the time they talk about the most inane stuff you could imagine
captderiv (10:56:37 PM):
I've just gotten used to tuning them out, I guess

Later...

captderiv (11:13:57 PM):
Apparently I can spell correctly but can't do simple arithmetic anymore
joyful zephyr (11:14:14 PM):
well we all have out moment in the sun
joyful zephyr (11:14:26 PM):
If you're a dog you get one day
captderiv (11:14:43 PM):
But at least that's seven days in, um, dog days
captderiv (11:15:12 PM):
Or is the phrase already adjusted for that?
captderiv (11:15:31 PM):
Maybe every dog only really gets 3.43 hours
captderiv (11:15:43 PM):
But, being a dog, doesn't know any better
joyful zephyr (11:16:11 PM):
And you claim that you've used up your simple arithmetic skills!
captderiv (11:16:34 PM):
I busted out my use-my-computer's-calculator skills
joyful zephyr (11:17:19 PM):
always handy. Especially if you have to survive in the wilderness.
captderiv (11:17:41 PM):
Well, I can program my own calculator, you know
joyful zephyr (11:17:51 PM):
I do know. I saw that blog post!
captderiv (11:17:58 PM):
Building a computer out of twigs and leaves, that's the part I haven't figured out yet
joyful zephyr (11:18:29 PM):
Perhaps with more time to run trials.
captderiv (11:18:57 PM):
I tried submitting another NSF grant application, but they stopped returning my calls
joyful zephyr (11:19:35 PM):
a discourging setback indeed
joyful zephyr (11:20:18 PM):
but let not your heart be downcast! Forge ahead, tread heavily where angels wear hobnailed boots, attempthe impossible!
captderiv (11:20:50 PM):
Who are you calling an attempthe?

Much later still...

joyful zephyr (12:00:38 AM):
I believe that I may post that entire converation that transpired between us on my blog. It highly amused me. I laughed aloud at a few points. Do you mind transcripts of your conversations being randomly posted on small, backwater sites? Check yes or no:

The next day...

captderiv (11:09:51 AM):
( ) Yes (X) No ( ) Buchanan


It made me laugh.
The other day I had a moment of discouragement wondering how the heck I would ever write a book. Was the story premise good enough to expand to novel size and would my making a point of writing cause me to write really badly? Then I realized something. Whether or not this turns out good, I can still say that I wrote a book in the end!
Last night I took the story in a direction that I'd never thought about before. I think it turned out really good and supplied a whole new vein of potential. I really believe that I can do this.
Guess I should go tell Benji that we're the same person now.

~ captderiv (11:32:27 PM):
I never knew high voltage and old lace were interchangeable ~

Second stage of grief...

~ Aiden didn't return to his room until much later that night. He was satisfyingly exhausted, wet from the rain that just kept coming, and, for one of the first times in his life, just a little bit drunk.
Unfortunately, he was abruptly sobered when he switched on the lights to find his cat and the dragon sitting on the table, apparently having just been interrupted from a deep conversation.
Aiden stood in the door for a bit, silently dripping, taking in the peaceful, if not common, scene.
"I thought you were leaving." There was no question to it, just resignation. Aiden closed the door, shed his coat and sat on the bed. He leaned forward, maybe swaying just a tiny bit. For some reason he suddenly got the impression that the dragon was sympathetic. It made Aiden a little angry. The dragon shook his tiny head.
"No, no I wasn't actually. Even if I'd wanted to though, how could I? You locked the door."
"There's a lovely balcony just outside that's perfect for jumping off of." Aiden muttered fiercely. ~
~ I made this.

It seemed so natural...

Benji asked me if there was anything that I really would just love to do with my life. My answer: "There's lots of things that I'd like to try." Like and try being the key words there. Devote and commit are both terms that I don't seem to be a huge fan of.
I realized that there are some things that I would actually really love to devote myself to. I would love to be a writer. Not like I am now, but a published writer. One making money. To that end, my goal for the moment is to continue working on Aiden's story and try to get that published. Of all my stories I think that that is the one that probably has the most potential as far as my ability to write goes, and has a relatively concise and complete plot line that doesn't exactly require time consuming research. Is it good enough to be published? I don't know. We'll see won't we.
Another thing that I'd love to keep doing is improv. Easy enough while I'm still in school but what about afterwards? Again, will I ever be good enough to really be considered for any kind of professional group?
Thing number three: I believe that I would love to have a coffee shop. Would I like to have to take care of the actual business aspects of it? Maybe not so much.

For now what I'm going to do is dedicate one evening a week to writing. Probably Thursday or Friday. I haven't really decided yet. That added to what I normally write in a week is not a bad amount. Not enough to make a living on obviously, but then I'm not trying to make a living, I'm trying to have a book published.
That being the case I will probably from here on out not be posting everything I write about Aiden. I'm sure I'll not stop entirely, but the things I do post may not necessarily follow one another.
Wish me luck.

A goodbye of sorts...

I found out Thursday that Roger Bennett, singer, song writer and pianist for Legacy 5, died on March 17th. It was a very strange feeling indeed. I believe that the world has lost a good man and an amazing musician. May his gain be as great.

Captain's log - Stardate: 682523573.954751...

As you will know, having read this site faithfully Faithful Reader, I have been using my entrance into class as acting practice. Some days the effort was rendered null by circumstances such as: Arriving to the room before anyone else. The days when I did take on a personality/character I immediately wrote down what I thought my level of success was and perhaps a couple of observations on the technique/audience. The following is an exact transcript of that log.

Thur 5/17 - Business-like - Successful, easy.
Fri 5/18 - Shy - Successful, not incredibly easy, hard not to make eye contact.
Mon 5/21 - Excited Little Kid - Hard to tell, not easy. Sitting down easiest part.
Tue 5/22 - Stealthy - Not very successful, hard to be stealthy in flip flops w/ noisy rolling chairs. However, great contrast from yesterday so still good.
Wed 5/23 - Bored - Moderately successful, drug feet, somnolent look on face, shoulders hunched, sat heavily. Hardly anybody looking!
Thur 5/24 - Confused - Successful, easy to do, paused often and just inside door looking around, took some time to "choose" my seat. The only issue, freaking people aren't looking much!
Fri 5/25 - Aiden - Successful, very easy, not extremely overt, but neither is he.
Thur 5/31 - Belligerent - Moderately successful, not easy. Banged things, stomped, wasn't sure what facial expressions to do. Got attention due to noisiness.
Fri 6/01 - Jared - Easy, mostly successful. Had to talk to someone and that encroached on the masculine believability.
Tue 6/05 - Librarian - Successful, easy. Carrying books, stereotypical walk.
Wed 6/06 - Edwin - Partially successful, easy, somewhat subdued for him.

There you have it peeps. I've not decided yet whether to continue this challenge into next module. We'll see I guess. I will say that it is a lot harder then you might think, but I believe that it is fantastic practice for improvisationalists or anyone involved with stage. The fact that you are not given the opportunity to talk and that you have such a short space of time to convey an impression in makes it crucial that you use every single action to the greatest extent in the endeavor. It is quite the experience.

He may never have seen me, but I had to explain it to everybody anyway...

Edit: Since I have gotten several comments from people thinking that this is a bit on the creepy side I have decided to write in a bit of an explanation for it.
This piece is not in any way meant to stand alone. It is actually part of a bigger scene in a much bigger story of which you regular readers know little, if any. The "I" in this story is not a stalker, she actually knows, and is in an intimate relationship with the man in question. This isn't the first time she's seen him butt naked. They will eventually marry, though in this scene that hasn't happened yet. The last line of the bit posted refers to the fact that no matter what happens (and it's a lot, believe you me) she will always remember him in that wild yet peaceful setting.
The reason this was posted as is rather then going into all that gory detail in the first place is because I have been lately trying to put special effort into creating not just a piece of writing, but inspiring a vivid picture in the reader's mind. I thought that this scene didn't do half bad in trying to attain that goal. It's very vivid in my mind at any rate.

~ I happened upon him as in a dream.

He lay on his stomach on the rock verge. His hair, lying in black curls against his neck, still damp from swimming, his clothes off to the side in a state of neat abandonment.

The afternoon sun, sifting through the lush canopy, splashed his body with yellow and green, glinting gold on droplets being pulled by gravity off the masculine contours. Slipping back to the earth from brown legs, caressing the smooth skin of back and arms.

Eyes closed, a look of infinite peace graced his lips.

Water turned gems hung on his dark eyelashes until they suddenly fell, losing their place due to some minuscule movement.

The smooth, sun-warmed stone seemed to cradle him, his lithe body fitting the surroundings so well that it appeared they'd been brought into existence together. They belonged to this place, quiet, savage, unmarred, wild, unknowably serene.

He began to stir and I backed into the protection of forest cover. I did not want him to know that I'd intruded.

He never saw me, but I'll always remember him. ~


~ From my world.

The lecture...

~ Jared, standing shoulders back and feet wide, a powerful scowl tightening his lips, was clearly in the midst of a good seethe. Just when Ally began to think that she might be able to walk away and perhaps he wouldn't even see it through the haze of red, he decided to respond.
"Well I'll tell ya how I feel about it. I'm infuriated! What the heck made you think that you didn't have to call?"
Allison came dangerously close to rolling her eyes. "I didn't think it would be that big a deal."
"Well I've got an update for ya. It's a huge deal." He paused to close his eyes and shake his head. "You know the rules and you decided to disregard them. You won't be going out again any time soon."
Ally looked absolutely scandalized. "How long?" She demanded.
"I don't know, I haven't decided yet. But rest assured it will be a good long while."
If looks could kill Jared would have done well to have had his affairs in order. His daughter stormed up the stairs and slammed her door with as much force as she thought she could get away with. ~
~ All mine

The falling out...

~ Wayne's face was getting redder in direct proportion to the escalating conversation.
"You're just jealous and you won't admit it!"
Ben, contrary to his usual composure during arguments, was remaining quite calm.
"What if I do admit it? That would prove you wrong."
Ben counted two beats of silence before Wayne seemed to decide that he'd actually heard right.
"What? How would that prove me wrong?"
"You said that I wouldn't admit that I was jealous, so if I did it would cast doubt on the rest of your argument as well."
This time there were at least four beats as Wayne glared at Ben's placid smile.
"No it wouldn't. That's stupid!"
Wayne turned on his heel and made for the door. Ben, always a fan of having the last word, murmured, "Says the loser."
He fancied he could see the carpet bunch up in front of Wayne as he skidded to a halt. He turned around very, very slowly.
"I'm going to walk out that door now and you're not going to say one more word because if you do I'm going to come back in here and I swear you'll wish I hadn't. Alright?"
Ben considered his options. Let Wayne go without finishing the argument in his favor or antagonize him further, possibly incurring the wrath of Debbie and making Wayne mad enough that he might not want to be friends anymore. Ben decided to let him go.
With at least a dozen rejoinders running through his head as he watched Wayne make his exit, that proved to be something easier said then done.
When the door was firmly shut and he had waited a minute for Wayne to leave earshot he reviewed his comebacks, chose the least mature of the lot, and yelled it at the empty room.
"Your mom!" ~
~ All mine

That's just ridiculous...

~ Aiden paced the room compulsively. The dragon watched him. Adrasteia watched the dragon. Aiden knew well and good that he'd never had control of his life, lately though he could feel the tenuous resemblance of a grasp that he did have slipping out of his hands at an alarming rate. He halted suddenly, directly in front of the dragon.
"Why are you here? Why did you speak to me? Am I going crazy? Who sent you?" The dragon gazed at him seriously.
"You're a very lucky man you know."
"Lucky? Are you insane? Every bad thing that could possibly happen to me has!" The dragon raised one green, delicately feathered eyebrow."You're alive aren't you? Do you want to know why?"
Without a hint of sarcasm or bitterness Aiden guessed, "Because I'm to stupid to do myself in?" The dragon gave him a scathing look.
"No. You have survived thus far because, and only because I might add, Luck decided to mediate on your behalf. How could you not know this?"
If Aiden were not the type of man in possession of a good amount of seriously well-honed will power he would have rejoined with, "I don't believe in luck." or something else as deeply sacrilegious. It would have been honest, yes, but somehow he got the impression that it would also have been extraordinarily offensive to at least one individual present. That being the case, he kept his thoughts to himself. He'd never found the concept of luck all that compelling. The very foundation of it all insinuated that one would likely have good luck at some point in their life. That threw Aiden off right there.
"So luck mediated for me ey? How so exactly?"Aiden had always wondered if dragons could roll their eyes and for a second he thought he'd find out.
"Think Aiden! You were not in your house when it was razed. You were not is your last car when those two desperate bank robbers requisitioned it. You were not in the one before that when it was jerked into that wormhole." Aiden blinked. "You're family went on vacation the week the daycare had their gas leak. Mt St. Helens erupted one day, five hours and 13 minutes after you left the North face. You left early because you broke your leg remember? You had to wait 14 seconds for a urinal and consequently that power line fell on the car four places in front of yours. That was a plastic knife you stuck in the electrical outlet when you were two. That flight that you were bumped off of because it was full, causing you to spend Christmas in the airport, that flight was hijacked. Yes Aiden, all these years you've thought that the Universe was out to get you. Well you were right. But all these years Luck has been working night and day to keep you from shuffling off this mortal coil and you've not given him a second thought. What have you got to say about that?"
The dragon waited. Aiden simply stared at it, his expression as unreadable as bicycle assembly instructions to a sleep deprived drunk man. The moment stretched long. Suddenly Aiden began to laugh. Not a pleasant, friendly chuckle either, this was an abrupt, twisted, edging-towards-hysteria kind of laugh.
Aiden laughed for a very long time. He stopped, composed his features, wiped his eyes and said, "I understand now. It has all been made perfectly clear to me." The dragon looked pleased for just a moment. "I have finally gone off the deep end and you, my fine jade friend, are a figment of my imagination." The dragon looked hurt and scandalized.
"That's not true. I'm afraid mental illness would be the easy way out."
"Nevertheless I'm going to take it. It's about time I got to go the "easy way". I'm going to eat dinner now and I sincerely hope that when I get back you'll be gone. I've had enough."
Adrasteia and the dragon watched silently as Aiden gathered keys, coat and wallet and left the room without giving either a second glance. ~
~ I made this!

The things I take as goals...

During this 4 week module I am in a psychology class. Here's the funny thing about that class: When you walk in the door, people look at you. The seats are situated in such a way (tables in a horseshoe type shape set on graduating lecture hall steps) that when you come in the door at the back of the class everyone has a chance to look at you without turning their head more then 90 degrees. So they do. This fact inspired me to take it as a personal challenge to walk in that door every day for the remaining 3 weeks of class embodying a different persona. The day before yesterday I was business-like, that's not hard at all. Yesterday I was shy, a bit more challenging. I have begun to compile a list of the moods/personalities that I plan to take on. (If you have any suggestions do speak up.)
Here's the kicker: I basically have about 20 feet to convey these. A couple seconds after I get to my seat the game is over, first of all because people are no longer looking at you so it doesn't matter, and secondly because I'm not interested in trying to act different for 2 hours and 10 minutes when all I'd really be doing is sitting there.
My hope is that I will be good enough that anyone walking behind me would see a marked change in my stance/aura as soon as I open that door, and anyone watching me enter from day to day would be confused.
The irony of the situation? It's a class on stereotypes.

The tempest cometh...

~ The wind forced leaves, skittering and scraping, across the worn paving stones in big noisy gusts. It was these kinds of wind, you instinctively knew, that were the harbingers of great thunderstorms. The sky, clear blue just hours before, was rapidly growing dark. The pallid and reluctant sunlight had a gray-green tint to it. The scent of the air brought an unbidden and frightening thrill to the stomach.
The Tempest cometh. ~
~ All mine

I think most of you know that I love the internet. With the passion of a zealot. I love the access if gives me to resources that I'd have a hard time coming up with on my own otherwise. Wouldn't ya know then that my connection is down. Possibly due to some new and fantastically efficient breed of spyware which my poor computer just didn't have a snowball's chance of handling. This being the case I am now conducting all internet business that I have in a computer lab and am now going to try three different brands of virus scanner to see if we can't oust the little bugger. Oh technology, I hardly knew thee...

The dream quest...

~ Trepidation filled me as we neared the forest's boundary. I stared down the path, willing my eyes to adjust to the profound blackness within. Suspicion and fear lurked in shadow form.
I switched on my flashlight briefly, testing it. A short moment of reassuring brightness was followed by an almost imperceptible dimming. I didn't know who I was trying to fool, these batteries wouldn't last long.
The path dipped close to the water, well worn, but disconcertingly rutted. This had to be done.
I stepped into darkness's embrace. ~
~ From my world

A disturbing conversation...

~ "Master Diamon, a telephone call for you."
"Oh, thank you Phillip." Jacob took possession of the phone wondering if white gloves hadn't indeed gone out with the 30's. Not that he didn't like the staff to look spiffy, just seemed a bit starched. "Hello?"
"Jacob. What are you doing at Uncle Woodworth's? I've spent all day trying to track you down. Where are mom and dad?"
"Well it's good to hear from you again too Aiden!" The sarcasm dripping from Jacob's voice really should have been collected for the manufacture of artificial sweetener. "Come on bro, I haven't talked to you for weeks! If you must know right away, the pure and simple facts, unbuffered by any of the usual pleasantries or salutations, are these: I am staying at Uncle Woodworth's because he kindly agreed to put me up while I'm on holiday from university.
I couldn't reside at the family estate because mom and dad have leased it out while they are traveling to tour the Swiss Alps and taste beer in Germany.
You didn't know all of this sooner because I couldn't get ahold of you. I tried your house many a time."
Aiden contemplated what he'd been told. He vividly imagined a phone ringing heartily, buried somewhere deep in the midst of the decimated building materials that he'd called home for a short period of time.
Jacob, cheerfully oblivious, was the person to break that reverie.
"So listen, I'm gonna be coming to Mexico next week for some surfing, maybe I could nip back up to the States and hang out with you for a bit. Hey! I could finally see that house of yours! What's it been? A year since you moved in?"
There was a pause that must have been in it's second or third trimester.
"Jacob, have you talked to mom or dad at all in the last three days?"
"No, not since they left." Jacob admitted lightheartedly. "Why? What's up?" For the first time a tiny element of doubt insinuated itself into his voice.
"My house is gone Jacob."
"Gone? What do you mean gone? You sold it?"
"No...It exploded."
"My gosh! Are you alright? You weren't in it when it happened were you? Of course not, you'd be dead. I mean...My gosh."
"I'm fine. I was in the driveway."
A little shiver ran up Jacob's spine. Aiden sounded like he was talking about the weather. Sounded like he'd been expecting this to happen.
"Well what are you going to do? Where are you now?"
"I'm currently sleeping at a hotel. I'm going to wait for the insurance claim to go through and then I imagine I'll find another place to live."
There was another pause and Aiden wondered what Jacob was thinking. He found out soon enough.
"Well that sounds just bully Aiden. Creative as well. Totally off the wall really. However did you come up with that?"
"You've no call for sarcasm Jacob. Unless you have a better plan then mine. Do you?"
Aiden's voice was completely level, so level water would have pooled on it, but Jacob could easily imagine the irritated look on his face. It wouldn't be obvious. If you didn't know him you might miss it. If you did know him though, it would hit you like the proverbial ton of bricks. Jacob knew that Aiden was nearing his limit and so reigned in his shock and curiosity accordingly. Aiden was unflappable, yes. Immune to trauma, no.
"Sorry Aiden. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything you need?"
"What I need you can't give me Jake, but thanks for offering."
Aiden sounded tired. Tired and alone. And he was. ~
~ Me again

Wanderings in the dark of the night...

Do you ever have a moment when you feel so connected to the world? That for a second the universe is completely surreal and either you have it wrapped around your little finger or it has you? When you can feel the heart beat of the earth all around you. The pulse of all humanity and nature throbbing beneath your feet. In that moment you'd believe in anything. You could fly if you wanted. You are a child of Gaea and she loves you.
Sometimes it induces introspection, sometimes the absolute abandonment of all things personal. Sometimes the moment is gone as quickly as it struck you.
They say that the sane are those who wonder if they're insane. What of those who embrace insanity?
In an infirm world the whole are the strange ones.

The unavoidable encounter...

~ When Aiden walked through the door Adrasteia was already alert. He'd brought something back with him.
Aiden pulled the dragon, once again still, from his pocket and set it on the table. Adrasteia leapt up, all business, wiry muscle and fluid iron determination. She looked it over carefully, sniffed it from all angles and gave it a push with one paw. Just as Aiden began thinking that maybe the decorative item would remain a decorative item, he heard the voice again.
"Peace Guardian Adrasteia, Sacred Keeper I mean your charge no harm."
Aiden's jaw dropped as he watched his cat consider the words, apparently weighing their honesty, glance at him, and then retire to the windowsill.
The dragon's talons made little clinking noises as it walked across the polished tabletop. For being made of stone it actually moved quite gracefully, Aiden realized. ~
~ All mine.

A fortuitous talent...

~ As men go Jacob Diamon was noticeably unspectacular, a talent that he'd used to his advantage many a time, particularly as a young schoolboy.
Unknowingly aiding towards those same ends his older brother Aiden was all to noticeable, accentuating Jacob's "blendability" just that much more. With the trouble Aiden had had in school, Jacob's reliable B and C record and habit of, in general, simply staying under the radar was something of a relief to their parents.
It wasn't that Aiden was slow or intentionally disruptive. He had always carefully maintained his position at or near the top of the class. Always been respectful and undemonstrative. No, it was more the case that everyone, fellow students and teachers alike, were disturbed by his unnaturally calm, imperturbable air. That, and things always happened around him. Strange things. Unexplainable things.
Jacob, and in fact most of the people surrounding his big brother, never once actually believed that Aiden was responsible for the unusual goings on, you couldn't help but wonder after the correlation though. Who else had bike tires, completely new ones, that went flat every single day by the time class was out through the entire 4th, 5th and 6th grades? As with everything else Aiden met this with unfailing resignation. He carried a tire pump in his backpack. ~
~ I made this!

Something no smart housewife should do without...

..."What's that?" you're no doubt wondering. Well I'll tell you. But first, have you seen the music video for the song "Satisfaction" by Benny Benassi? No? Well then hurry and crank up that sound and click this link man! There's no time to waste! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDfR0aQaINc

There. You like that? I've no doubt. Leave those speakers turned up! Now click on this link. Don't ask questions! Just do it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqkASIHemeA

Yeah! Now we're talking ey!? Probably the best video to hit the tubes of the internets since sliced bread right? I concur without equivocation. I bet you're wondering who all those sexy men are aren't ya? They're friends of mine and members of an awesome group called the Ship of Fools.

Mad props to all of them for bopping about campus during Grand Prix weekend to film this, but especially to Stu for the idea of the production in the first place and his direction thereof and to Alex for his stellar editing work (was that sound syncing not flawless?). Love you guys!

Congratulations reader! If you've followed all instructions to the letter you have been inducted into the proud and vast ranks of those who have been witness to "Foolish Satisfaction" something that, indeed, no smart housewife should do without. Do share the experience with all your friends and relatives, you know they'll love it. Or be offended by it. A win/win situation really.

As Oscar Wilde wrote...

..."I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train."
Last night when I couldn't sleep I flipped to the very front of my journal (this one started, completely by coincidence, on the first of the year) and began reading through it. First off I was surprised to find that I have a few scenes, a couple of them quite short, that I had forgotten about writing but actually have some, in my opinion, quite good lines in them. Hopefully some time in the near future, now that they have been brought to my attention, I will tweak a few of them into a final draft and post them on here.
Something that I have wondered about is what will become of my journals once I kick the bucket, should they still be in existence. They are not exactly something that I would want just any Tom, Dick or Larry perusing, but I believe that I would like someone to read them. I think we all want to leave a legacy right? Hopefully that won't be the extent of mine, but you know, just in case.
I don't know that they will mean anything to anyone else, but I do hope that they will be treated like what they are, a window into my mind. I also hope that my writing is by now good enough that when someone reads the entries they will hear my voice.
A thought is quite a sacred thing at times.

Things don't go as I plan...

...Which is great cause today was crazy awesome and it was nothing whatsoever like I had planned.
While I was at work Benji messaged to suggest taking advantage of the gorgeous weather and playing outside for awhile. I was hip for that and as it turned out he met me when my shift ended and a short while later we rendezvoused with several of the Fools in Memorial Mall for a bit of frisbee throwing. Tripod is surprisingly good at that. Me and Cowboy also got a chance to showcase our spectacular disk throwing and catching prowess. We've got some crazy moves! The one I'm best at is known in the pro circles as "Missing the frisbee". It's pretty fantastic!
When we'd had our fill of that, we trooped over to the Beering fountain to get wet. And we did. After that it was decided that while we were at it we may as well hit the Engineering fountain as well.
During all this the desire for smoothies spread throughout the group like bubonic plague in Eurasia and hence we made our way across campus to satisfy that urging, thankfully not getting sniped on the way. Something can be said for keeping a constant lookout. Smoothies in hand we ran around the corner for some Subway because they not only allow you to eat fresh there, they encourage it.
After delicious sub sandwiches we parted ways, all satisfied, most still damp at the least, flush with the pleasure of spending three hours in the company of great friends.
Crazy awesome day!

"It's all a problem with body image. My ultimate image is a skinny, geeky, pasty white boy and I have attained that. I am a god in my own eyes!" ~ Tripod

"I'll take what's behind bachelor number two." ~ Kamikaze

Perhaps tonight I'll sleep again...

~ Each night sleep evades me. I lie awake in the dark and contemplate my exhaustion.
Each afternoon I lie down for a short rest. I read for awhile and when my mind grows sluggish and heavy I pull the cool, sun splashed linen over my head and slip away.
I drift between shadow and light. Floating in and out of dreams mixing with reality.
I wake and worry that I'll not rest tonight either. Worry that this is becoming an addiction of the worst sort.
In my dreams I see shadows of the past. People that I haven't seen for a decade and couldn't name to save my life. A place that I left behind long ago.
My dreams make no more sense then at night, but they are laced with disconcerting familiarity.
Is there reason behind the visions? I wake, not pleased by the joy I take in my mind's vivid chaos, but disturbed by unseen auras and hidden meanings.
Perhaps tonight I'll sleep again. ~
~ Me again

The fine line between sanity and chaos...

~ Aiden did not visit Hannah Larson often. His consultations with her could be likened to the average person's view of colonic irrigation. Not something you'd want to do everyday, but when you're severely constipated it starts to seem like not such a bad idea.
Aiden had never once elected to come by for a cup of herb tea and a bit of gossip. He was driven there by life events. He was seeing her increasingly often these days. Of the news he'd come to her with in the past, his house exploding was definitely the most exciting. At least more so then the spontaneous combustion of his computer or the disappearance of his car.
Aiden didn't really know why exactly he kept coming here. It's not like she ever did anything that really helped the situation, but she did know what was going on at least. He'd been convinced through his teen years that she had something to do with it. Had some control over what was happening to him. He had thought about murdering her. She'd sent him a letter via a strong gust of wind, telling him it wouldn't do any good. Aiden hadn't slept for a week after that.
Aiden clung to her and despised her all at the same time. And now her incense burners were talking to him.
Aiden didn't spend much time in idle speculation but he took a moment now to wonder what it would be like to find out that his entire life up to this point were actually a dream and to wake up normal in a world where jade dragons remained frozen and inanimate, and the universe was nothing more then a benign, abstract concept.
He realized to late that he had once again missed everything that the dragon said. He saw movement behind the beaded curtain and was aware of someone making their way down the dim, narrow passageway, probably, to collect him.
Without pausing to actually think it through Aiden came forward, leaned over the shelf and hurriedly gestured to his pocket. He was a little surprised when the dragon actually seemed to understand and jumped unquestioningly into it just as Ted Patterson reentered the crowded shop front and beckoned silently for him to come along.
Aiden felt his stone companion, heavy and cold, move about against his chest, finally settle himself comfortably, and then lay still.
Aiden followed Mr. Patterson into the dark. ~
~ I made this!

Recognize the beauty...

~ Closely guarded, fraught with doubt.
She waltzes through time with indefinable joy.
A breath of lavender, the colors of wildflowers.
Afraid of the future, glad to leave the past, she makes her way.
She touches with unbreaking loyalty, she questions with the heart of a child.
She laughs like she's never felt pain, she looks to herself for strength.
A good life is made up of tiny moments of pleasure.
The past isn't everything.
Recognize the beauty. ~
~ From the mind of Renee

Yes, men can fake it...

~ "You know, as much as I love your mom and the touchingly co-dependant relationship you two share, I'm gonna have to turn you down on the dinner offer. You see I've got this thing. This motto if you will. It's "Start fraternizing with crazy people and you'll become one too." Sorry, I make no exceptions, though if I did...well, I still wouldn't go out with you, especially if that old bag that you, to put it delicately, sprung from the loins of, was around. Now if there's anything else I can help you with, anything at all, you just be sure and give me a jingle, ok? I'm serious now, don't you hesitate, just pick that phone right up and call me, I'll always have time for you in my life."
Leanna stared at Jared for a moment. "Are you finished then? Good! Now you listen here! I don't care what the heck you say, you are going with me to that dinner and you will pretend to like me. Goodness knows I've done enough for you, the least you could do is give up one afternoon for a friend!"
Jared stood gazing down at her, expressionless. She didn't move, her face still thrust within inches of his. There was a very long, very pregnant pause.
Jared finally broke the silence with a bored sounding monotone. "I hate you."
"That may well be, but you'd best start brushing up on your acting. I expect you to be completely convincing. It's not to much to ask. I've faked liking you enough." ~
~ All mine

A timely exit...

~ Jacob didn't actually mean to smash the vase, but he couldn't swear that it was wholly unintentional either. Looking back on it he could see now that it had probably been a bad idea either way. His uncle's butler was just rounding the corner. Jacob did a quick scan of the room to see if there was any scenery handy that he could melt into. There wasn't. There never is.
"Master Diamon, are you alright?" Jacob could see that the fake concern was just killing the man. He decided to roll with that.
"Oh my goodness! Phillip! I think I may have sprained my wrist trying to catch that vase. What a shame it was all for naught! Such a beautiful piece!"
Jacob added a couple of soft "tsk's" for good measure while he gazed down at the broken shards with as much mournfulness as he would if it had been a small, recently demised child. He cradled his left wrist gingerly.
Phillip raised an immaculate eyebrow. "Really sir? What a pity."
Jacob nodded his agreement and winced convincingly.
"Why don't you nip round to the kitchen and see if Mrs. Dalinger can't fix you up. I'll just clean up the remains of this 17th century artifact shall I?"
"That would be top drawer Phillip." Jacob went for his exit with good hustle, but no more then one might expect from someone belabored by a vase-sprained wrist. He silently congratulated himself. He was pretty good at this. ~
~S'all mine

Yes dear readers, in one fell swoop I have almost doubled the number of characters associated with Aiden! "How does she do it!?" You are no doubt asking yourselves. Well first you need a rubber glove, one of those seat belt protectors, some broccoli, one generic Claritin tablet, a lollipop and a gold anklet...
Wait just a minute, that's the recipe for complex plot line! Anyway, it doesn't matter, what I wanted you to know is that this is part of Aiden's story. So there you go. That wasn't so bad was it?

It was meant to be funny...

...So at some point (fairly recent) in the long and sordid history of Purdue improv someone made reference to a room in the math building (816 to be exact) which has a perfect view should you want to assassinate our current president, the honorable Mr. Jischke. Joking of course! Fun fact, it started as a different room, possibly 815, until my friend Jamie, who has intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the math building, pointed out that most odd numbered rooms are interior and thus don't have windows, which would make them slightly harder to aim a sniper rifle out of.
Anyway, I was partaking in a bit of IM'ing with Jamie and he mentioned that he didn't know the person currently utilizing that office, one Chin-Yi Jean Chan, a visiting professor. When I heard that bit of info I messaged Jamie right away with what I saw when I thought of how it would be going down that fateful day...

~ Chin Yi closed the door. He'd been planning this day for months now. Setting the black violin case on his desk he flipped open the clasps with what can only be described as relish. He pulled the rifle out and caressed the cold blue steel. Now was the time. Today was his day. He went to the window. The view was perfect... ~

For those of you who don't know, Jamie started a wiki for the Ship of Fools http://scratchpad.wikia.com/wiki/Category:SoF-pedia
On it are a variety of member bios, inside joke explanations, and assorted bits of Fool Lore. On the page for MATH 816 Jamie published my mini story. I think that that is my very first time being published, unless you count my own blog. Either way it's pretty cool. I can't wait for the royalty checks to start rolling in! Does anyone know of a bank that accepts Monopoly money?

So I'm walking along...

...deep in thought, eyes trained on the ground, meandering to my next class which I have half an hour to get to. I am aware of a presence behind me but think nothing of it. After all, this is Purdue, there's always somebody walking near you. My mind wanders to the dream I had last night featuring all the Fools, Benji's family, fireworks, the ROTC training grounds, a Sergent, a store/restaurant and a girls locker room.
Suddenly I receive quite the shock. Right in my ear, without preamble:
"Little girl!"
To my credit I did not physically jump. My heart skipped a beat or two is all.

To sum up:
Benji + unexpected + "little girl" = CREEPY

On a side note, obviously my power over the universe is growing. I thought of someone and there they were. I feel that the more I practice my mind control skills the better honed they will become. Soon, soon I will wield ultimate domination!


Exchange shouted across Agricultural Mall:
"Benji! I love you!" ~ Kamikaze
"I love you too!" ~ Hallway
"I'll see you again soon!" ~ Kamikaze
"Don't you worry, we'll get that disease cleared up!" ~ Hallway